10th September - Apologies, Sad Goodbyes, Welcome Hellos and general rambllings....

It feels like it's been forever since I've written a blog post and for that I'm sorry, but so much has been happening both in my own personal life and in the life of DealingWithDepression In fact so much has happened that I'm not really sure where to start, so forgive me if this doesn't make much sense or is in much order, but I know that you'll all understand.

Personally my husband has been struggling with his depression, anxiety, paranoia and social phobia and it's all been really hard to cope with as well as our eldest starting secondary school. I am so proud of our son as he has Aspergers Syndrome and finds change and new things really difficult to cope with. I hope he's settling in OK, although there appear to be a few teething issues, but I am sure we'll get there as long as he starts talking to me!

DWD has gone global in a really big way almost overnight and whilst I am thrilled with that, I'm scared by the responsibility I feel to so many - to give the right advice, to be online enough to make a difference and that I can handle it all. Our Facebook Page has shot up from struggling to get to 200 "likes" to now having over 6,600 worldwide members. It's really hard to know how much to post on there and I know that I haven't got that balance quite right yet, but I am working on it.
To cope with the huge increase in demand I've been really lucky at recruiting a number of "staff" to help monitor the page, answer the sometimes 10s, sometimes 100s of private messages we get every day as well as posting interesting or relavant items to the page to keep interest and to help reach out and break that terrible stigma which so many are struggling with on a daily basis.  The staff are fantastic and knowing that they are all working around their own lives, families, work commitments and mental health issues they are the unsung heros of DWD and they make it all possible. I just couldn't do it alone.
I'm trying hard to learn how different countries see mental health and how their systems work, it's hard and it's complicated, but most people are genuinely understanding when I suggest something which doesn't quite work for them, and for that I'm really grateful.

I've had to increase the staffing on the forum too as we have sadly lost our wonderful Aspasia to a teaching postion teaching English as a Foreign Language in Cairo. Whilst I am thrilled that she's doing something she has always wanted to do, it's no secret that Im going to miss having her around to text! She's not only an awesome moderator and someone who can always put into words what I'm thinking but she's become a great friend over the years too. I know that although this is a massive life change for her, it's going to be a great one for her and will be nothing short of awesome for those whose lives she will change.  So a sad goodbye to Aspasia for the time being, but she will be back ;)
The upside of us becoming much busier is that we've changed some staffing too. Emmie who is nothing short of miraculous with a wicked sense of humour, owner of her own business and Mum to the wonderful "Midget" has stepped up to the post of Assistant Admin which I'm really pleased about.
The lovely Jarre and Squishymama have both stepped up as Moderators which is wonderful as they are both perfect for the role and I know they will help shape and push DWD onwards and upwards.

Today has been a wierd day. It is "suicide prevention day" and yesterday was the 4 year anniversary of the passing of my lovely Dad. I've kind of therefore been thinking about grief a lot today and tried to be reaching out and reminding people of all the wonderful organisations who are out there to help when someone is in crisis. Samaritans are one such organisation who do such amazing work 24 hours a day, 7 days of the week, 52 weeks of the year. They are trained to talk to people over the phone/text or email.  Never forget that you are never alone, there is ALWAYS someone you can talk to.

I've promised myself that I'm going to do more blog posts and hope to share some more of the wonderful things that our members of the forum and facebook group do. We have some amazing artists, writers, posts, photographers and everything inbetween.
If you want to submit something creative or a link to your own business/site to be posted on this blog, please don't hesitate to CONTACT ME

I know this is a really long post (sorry) but once I started typing I just couldn't stop!

I normally do a couple of plugs for wonderful businesses which support DWD through their owners giving up their time to help with the technical/moderating/admin of either or both the forum or the FB page, but I know this is really long and it's the first in a while, so I'll keep it short:

Hills Handicrafts - Handmade beautifully crafted items
Kangarinos - Slings and baby carriers
Templedene Consultants - Website design, hosting and CMS
Precious Jewels Gems - Handmade beautiful jewellery
Alison George - Independent Trader for Phoenix Cards

Thanks for reading, I do appreciate it! :)

Suzi

Huge changes and charity events!!

Well this week has been HUGE for the mighty DWD! We have moved from our old forum and software to a shiny new and much cleaner and more positive DWD with a new colour scheme and layout! Even though we have much nicer software and colours we have kept all the sections that the old forum had and even made some new ones.
So far all the feedback from members has been positive even though we've had some teething bugs to work out. These should now be sorted and we are up and running in a very very positive way.


One of our lovely members is doig a charity walk to raise money for Rethink Mental Illness. If you can spare anything then that would be great if you could sponser him! 55 miles in 24 hours is rather impressive and a great challenge!     http://www.justgiving.com/FabianMcNeilly

Another of our other members is helping out at http://www.umhan.com/  University of Birmingham are running events and asking people to fill out surveys to do with mental health awareness next week. They will be around on 22nd February (Wednesday) and helping people make pledges! I know that they'd love to see as many of you as possible!!

Christmas Tips and a poem about depression

As you know I like to showcase things that the members of DWD do, their thoughts, tips for coping and how they are able to open up to others about how they are feeling.  Today is no different!

We've been brainstorming this week about thoughts and strategies to cope with the festivities and everyone has come up with some brilliant ideas such as

Take ten minutes, sit down and think about what YOU want from the holiday. Ask partners/children too, if you have them. Then come up with a plan that includes only what you want to do and can cope with.

If that means you order pizza on Christmas day like I did last year, so what? It's what I wanted to do, and it was awesome. No-one will enjoy the time if you push too hard, no-one will enjoy it if there's a big family argument, and no-one will enjoy it if you don't, because those who love you want you to be happy and won't be if you aren't.

The whole thread can be find here: Tips on how to cope with Christmas

We also know that having children around can cause stress when you are trying desperately to do all those things which we seem to be putting pressure on ourselves to do, so we've come up with a list of activities which are simple to do, but will keep children of all ages and abilities entertained and give you some time out if you need it!

One of those activities is:

Christmas/festive wreaths. Take a apaper plate and cut out the middle. The decorate the outside with leaves, or pom poms (green and a few red in Mr Maker) or packing peanuts or like in our house, glitter and much of it!


The whole thread is here:  Ideas to keep small people amused over the festive period. 

This poem has been written by one of our members over night when she was unable to sleep. I think it's beautifully written.

Depression is a illness
It's not very kind
It makes one feel low
And upsetting thoughts in the mind

It's time to get help
When it makes you so low
For there are ways
to help it go

There's nothing to be ashamed of
It doesn't mean you are week
It can happen to anyone
And makes things look so bleak

It may take time
To get better
Make sure you talk
Even if it means writting a letter

Dwd is a safe place to be
The people are supportive and kind
It's a good place to talk
To get it off your mind

They are not professionals
But have experiences of their own
Through themselves, family members
Great help they have shown

You are important
So talk about how you feel
Accept the help
And give yourself time to heel

Remember you are not alone
There is help out there
To get you through
And make it easier to bare

There is a light at the end of the tunnel
As you learn how to cope
It will get better
Just keep on to that hope


Whilst we know that the festive season is one filled with happiness for so many, we at DWD know that it's not always like that, so we will be open as usual and be there to listen if you need it. Remember, you aren't alone and there is always someone to talk to. 

Living with my own negativity (a positive post)

Once again a DWD member (actually a global mod on this occasion)  has managed to do something which so many books, medical journal articles, media representations etc just have not ever managed to do for me. She has brilliantly explained how she feels and how her negative thought processes work and affect her on a daily basis.  The following is her post, in it's whole state and once again I haven't changed anything.

Thought I'd share my morning with you! I'm not entirely sure why, partly because it's opened up a few wounds so I'm exorcising what my brain has uncovered, plus it was explaining some aspects of depression to someone who doesn't understand it and it may help people see more about their condition from how I see mine or something! ;-)

I run our local bfing group with another lady and we had a big meeting with the staff last week. I felt it went very badly but speaking to her she reassured me that it didn't. Then she said "You're very pesimistic!" So I attempted to explain what life in my brain is like.

I explained about the big black hole of depression as I see it. 'Normal people' wander around on the surface not in the hole, my normal position is halfway down it, I've been down at the bottom as well (I didn't much like it there) and I had about a week when I start fluoxetine when I popped out the hole and that was just weird but usually I lurk around the middle. How do you cope with that she asked. I told her that it just seemed normal to me now but that I tried to be aware that I was in the hole and so didn't always see things as there are, I try to use other people (like her with regards to the meeting for example) as a gauge to see if I am looking at things negatively. The example I used:

There are 100 statements, 99 of them are positive, one is negative. I will ignore the 99 and focus on the one, I will build it up, focus on it, pick away at it, the 99 won't matter because of this one negative comment. I can't see it for what it is or look at it rationally. Over the years I have learned that I do this and I try to use other people as a gauge as to whether I am being unduly negative and work hard to look at things as they really are iyswim.

It makes change difficult as I will automatically focus on the negative and predict the future ("It's going to be awful because of xyz, I won't cope."). I do spend a lot of time now trying to work through my negative feelings, find the positive ones and get them all in perspective but it still takes a lot of work at the moment (which is very relevant as our bfing group is going through a lot of changes and while I may not seem receptive I am working very hard on it I just find some things difficult)

Having said of all of that I'm not depressed at the moment (or rather I would not consider myself as such!), I would consider myself more to be eeyore, I see the negative before the positive but I'm working on it.

Does any of that sounds familiar to other people? How do you put things in perspective?


Huge thanks to you for allowing me to post this. I know that many of our members have found this post helpful, and I am sure that many other people will too. 


Thank you.

Dpression through the eyes of a DWD forum member

This has come from a post on our wonderful forum today. It has been written by one of our members who wishes to remain anonymous. She has been going through a really rough blip and is working hard to find her way through it. She is doing all the right things by asking for help and shouting to get it when needed. She is talking to those around her and tying to make them understand how things are for her - how they REALLY are.

These are her words.

Depression is such a terrifying illness. It is like living in hell. It's like a feeling of being stuck in mud and struggling to get out. The feelings of no self worth makes it 100 times harder to ask for help. Because a depressed person believes there is no hope and no point. It may take several people to point out that they need help but its hard for that person to admit it. It's a challenge to see the positive because negative thoughts feel stronger and are taking over. One who is depressed may feel alone and that no one understands them. It is important that they know they are not alone and others are there to help. Depression is a nightmare that can go on and on. There is no set time for recovery and no instant cure. Even when one starts to feel better they must be prepared for blips and accept that this is not a weakness. Depression is a serious illness. Good news. It can be treated. It may take time. The most important thing is to take one step at a time. Give yourself time to heal and feel proud of every achievements and steps forward. I urge anyone reading this who thinks they may have depression to ask for help. Don't be ashamed. It's not your fault. Would you put off getting help if you broke a leg. I know how extremely difficult this illness is. I really thought I was better. I was so positive and beginning to feel happy again. I saw the signs when it started coming back. I was desperately upset to admit it was happening again. I put if off because I was frightened.I didn't want to live in that hell again. I wanted to punish myself because I thought it was all my fault. But thanks to some wonderful people (you know who you are) I found that courage and strength in myself to ask for the help I needed. I need to tell myself no matter how bad things seem at the time there is always light at the end of the tunnel.


Her words are powerful... But remember. She is right. Don't be ashamed to ask for help. YOU are important, YOU are special, YOU are more than worth someone's time, understanding and support. 


www.dealingwithdepression.co.uk will always be there if you need or want us to listen to. Don't be afraid to make that step and ask for help.

General Ponderings

Normally I don't write this blog with just my own thoughts. Normally I like to share and promote the wonderful things that our members do, but looking through my own Facebook Wall something occurred to me and so I thought I would write it here to see if it was just me or not! :)

We all know that the whole "Facebook thing" is more than slightly "odd". Yes it's great that we can now get in contact with everyone we've ever said "hi" to or who we knew back when we were 3 or went to playgroup with. But is it actually helpful? I know for me personally I had all these requests to be "friends" with people who I went to school with. YAY I looked really "popular" having lots of "friends" and then one night when the latest one had posted about their fantastic life jet setting all over the world at the drop of the hat, going our socialising, never having to worry about money etc I had the sudden realisation that actually it wasn't making me happy finding out all these things. In fact it was making me feel sad that my life has turned out so differently from how it was all meant to be. Don't get me wrong I love my husband and I love our children and yes in the grand scheme of things I'm happy. So why was it bothering me? Maybe because these people had never been friends of mine, they had only been mere acquaintances if that tbh at school or people who I just didn't get on with at all. So why had I added them? Someone once said that if something or someone in your life isn't a positive influence or have a positive effect on you then cut them out of your life. So that's what I did and am far more content surrounding myself with people who really do have a similar outlook to life that I have. No I may not have thousands of friends, but I do have those who count and who don't judge me and those who I want to have.

Facebook is full of groups. This we know.I've come across so many who are either really negative, those who are promoting homophobia, racism, sexism or other forms of hate crime or those which seem to me to just be overly jolly about everything. I do "get" the whole positivity thing, but there are times for everyone when life just isn't like that and some of them are just (imho) totally pointless.

At the moment lots of my friends seem to be following those who are sharing quotes. Do positive quotes help you to get past the way that you are feeling?

Which got me thinking about mantras. Do mantras help? One of our DWD Team has the mantra "This too shall pass" and mine is "I will be the best person that I can be today." Both I think of as positive but with meaning. Some I've seen (to me) seem almost ridiculous and pointless, such as "Today I will be happy." OK that's great, but it's not something that you can work with if something negative happens. I've always thought that something like a mantra should at least be workable with all the time and shouldn't be something which is so dependent on external factors. I do always aim to be the best person who I can be on any given day. Sometimes I'm better than others, but it's always my best.

I do feel that at this point I should end with a quote or a mantra so I shall ;)

World Mental Health Day!

Thanks to Marc Shaw for the World Mental Health Day logo.

As it's World Mental Health Day I thought I would share with you some of the amazing things which our members do on a regular basis. Our members really are incredible people who are capable and do achieve so much. They are not defined by their Mental Health Illness, but they are people with their own hopes, fears, achievements, desires and experiences. They are a group of people with talents, jobs, families, friends and loved ones.

Some of our members have served or are currently serving in their countries Armed Forces having to do things which most of us hope we never have to face. Those members have each been left with their own scars, but are all brave people who have done their duty.

Dealing with Depression is full of members who have talents. These might be singing through to artists, craftspeople, jewellery makers, crocheters as well as writers.

One of our members who wishes to remain anon wrote this which I have their permission to share. I think it's really poignant about her time being bullied.

I have always wished that I could be like everyone else. To be able to say what I like and know that I will be understood.

I dont want to be different or stand out from the crowd. Some people treat me as if I am stupid because I can't get my words out sometimes.
They shout and scream at me - why?
Is it because they don't understand me? That doesn't seem very fair.

When I was a child, I was deaf and so I couldn't hear what people said. I felt trapped in my own world. I couldn't understand what was said to me, and I couldn't answer back. It was a very lonely existence.

Then, I went away to a wonderful place - a place where people seemed to understand me and helped me to communicate. At last, I could lift my head and look up. It was a new world - a friendly, exciting world and do you know what? I was part of it.

It still wasn't easy - the bullies on the bus who mimicked me, the shop assistant who ignored me. It was hard but I tried not to let it get me down.
Gradually, I built up my confidence and more and more people understood me. I just want to be accepted and remembered for who I am, not for the one with the funny voice.

If it weren't for the many people who have helped me over the years, I wouldn't be talking to you guys today.

Two of our own Team have wonderful achievements recently.

Mummyhill (Asst Admin) has completed and passed her BSL level one course which is fantastic!

Emmie (Global Mod) has completed a course to qualify her to teach other people in wearing slings and carrying their infants safely. This is fabulous! This will also help her with her sling business, Kangarinos

Well done to both of you!!

Other forum members create some amazing artwork using different mediums:

Veggie uses watercolours and shows great talent. These are some of her most recently shared with us on the forum (again I have her permission to share):

For any crocheters we have a Crotchet Along A Shawl Thread running with the expert Mummyhill guiding those of us through the pattern complete with her own pictures. She really is rather brilliant. The finished shawl looks like this:

Another of our members creates brilliant digital art as well as being a jewellery designer and maker. She really is rather talented. These are a few of Angies work:

As you can see the members of Dealing With Depression have so many talents and are so much more than a diagnosis of Mental Health Illness. Please remember this when you come in contact with someone who is in need of support and understanding - not stigma and not assumptions based on media scare stories.

1 in 4 people will experience mental health difficulties at some point in their lives (Taken from The Mental Health Foundation). So help remove the stigma and be part of something far greater - understanding and humanity.