10th September - Apologies, Sad Goodbyes, Welcome Hellos and general rambllings....

It feels like it's been forever since I've written a blog post and for that I'm sorry, but so much has been happening both in my own personal life and in the life of DealingWithDepression In fact so much has happened that I'm not really sure where to start, so forgive me if this doesn't make much sense or is in much order, but I know that you'll all understand.

Personally my husband has been struggling with his depression, anxiety, paranoia and social phobia and it's all been really hard to cope with as well as our eldest starting secondary school. I am so proud of our son as he has Aspergers Syndrome and finds change and new things really difficult to cope with. I hope he's settling in OK, although there appear to be a few teething issues, but I am sure we'll get there as long as he starts talking to me!

DWD has gone global in a really big way almost overnight and whilst I am thrilled with that, I'm scared by the responsibility I feel to so many - to give the right advice, to be online enough to make a difference and that I can handle it all. Our Facebook Page has shot up from struggling to get to 200 "likes" to now having over 6,600 worldwide members. It's really hard to know how much to post on there and I know that I haven't got that balance quite right yet, but I am working on it.
To cope with the huge increase in demand I've been really lucky at recruiting a number of "staff" to help monitor the page, answer the sometimes 10s, sometimes 100s of private messages we get every day as well as posting interesting or relavant items to the page to keep interest and to help reach out and break that terrible stigma which so many are struggling with on a daily basis.  The staff are fantastic and knowing that they are all working around their own lives, families, work commitments and mental health issues they are the unsung heros of DWD and they make it all possible. I just couldn't do it alone.
I'm trying hard to learn how different countries see mental health and how their systems work, it's hard and it's complicated, but most people are genuinely understanding when I suggest something which doesn't quite work for them, and for that I'm really grateful.

I've had to increase the staffing on the forum too as we have sadly lost our wonderful Aspasia to a teaching postion teaching English as a Foreign Language in Cairo. Whilst I am thrilled that she's doing something she has always wanted to do, it's no secret that Im going to miss having her around to text! She's not only an awesome moderator and someone who can always put into words what I'm thinking but she's become a great friend over the years too. I know that although this is a massive life change for her, it's going to be a great one for her and will be nothing short of awesome for those whose lives she will change.  So a sad goodbye to Aspasia for the time being, but she will be back ;)
The upside of us becoming much busier is that we've changed some staffing too. Emmie who is nothing short of miraculous with a wicked sense of humour, owner of her own business and Mum to the wonderful "Midget" has stepped up to the post of Assistant Admin which I'm really pleased about.
The lovely Jarre and Squishymama have both stepped up as Moderators which is wonderful as they are both perfect for the role and I know they will help shape and push DWD onwards and upwards.

Today has been a wierd day. It is "suicide prevention day" and yesterday was the 4 year anniversary of the passing of my lovely Dad. I've kind of therefore been thinking about grief a lot today and tried to be reaching out and reminding people of all the wonderful organisations who are out there to help when someone is in crisis. Samaritans are one such organisation who do such amazing work 24 hours a day, 7 days of the week, 52 weeks of the year. They are trained to talk to people over the phone/text or email.  Never forget that you are never alone, there is ALWAYS someone you can talk to.

I've promised myself that I'm going to do more blog posts and hope to share some more of the wonderful things that our members of the forum and facebook group do. We have some amazing artists, writers, posts, photographers and everything inbetween.
If you want to submit something creative or a link to your own business/site to be posted on this blog, please don't hesitate to CONTACT ME

I know this is a really long post (sorry) but once I started typing I just couldn't stop!

I normally do a couple of plugs for wonderful businesses which support DWD through their owners giving up their time to help with the technical/moderating/admin of either or both the forum or the FB page, but I know this is really long and it's the first in a while, so I'll keep it short:

Hills Handicrafts - Handmade beautifully crafted items
Kangarinos - Slings and baby carriers
Templedene Consultants - Website design, hosting and CMS
Precious Jewels Gems - Handmade beautiful jewellery
Alison George - Independent Trader for Phoenix Cards

Thanks for reading, I do appreciate it! :)

Suzi

Dpression through the eyes of a DWD forum member

This has come from a post on our wonderful forum today. It has been written by one of our members who wishes to remain anonymous. She has been going through a really rough blip and is working hard to find her way through it. She is doing all the right things by asking for help and shouting to get it when needed. She is talking to those around her and tying to make them understand how things are for her - how they REALLY are.

These are her words.

Depression is such a terrifying illness. It is like living in hell. It's like a feeling of being stuck in mud and struggling to get out. The feelings of no self worth makes it 100 times harder to ask for help. Because a depressed person believes there is no hope and no point. It may take several people to point out that they need help but its hard for that person to admit it. It's a challenge to see the positive because negative thoughts feel stronger and are taking over. One who is depressed may feel alone and that no one understands them. It is important that they know they are not alone and others are there to help. Depression is a nightmare that can go on and on. There is no set time for recovery and no instant cure. Even when one starts to feel better they must be prepared for blips and accept that this is not a weakness. Depression is a serious illness. Good news. It can be treated. It may take time. The most important thing is to take one step at a time. Give yourself time to heal and feel proud of every achievements and steps forward. I urge anyone reading this who thinks they may have depression to ask for help. Don't be ashamed. It's not your fault. Would you put off getting help if you broke a leg. I know how extremely difficult this illness is. I really thought I was better. I was so positive and beginning to feel happy again. I saw the signs when it started coming back. I was desperately upset to admit it was happening again. I put if off because I was frightened.I didn't want to live in that hell again. I wanted to punish myself because I thought it was all my fault. But thanks to some wonderful people (you know who you are) I found that courage and strength in myself to ask for the help I needed. I need to tell myself no matter how bad things seem at the time there is always light at the end of the tunnel.


Her words are powerful... But remember. She is right. Don't be ashamed to ask for help. YOU are important, YOU are special, YOU are more than worth someone's time, understanding and support. 


www.dealingwithdepression.co.uk will always be there if you need or want us to listen to. Don't be afraid to make that step and ask for help.

Exciting news, Mental health awareness week and other things ;)

Well it's October. This is a time of year that DWD normally gets busier with lots of new members and returning older faces due to the seasons changing, days getting shorter and people finding it hard to cope. It's also drawing closer to Christmas which can be such a hard time for so many people.

I do have some exciting news. A while ago ITV's "This Morning" were doing a piece on Depression and so I emailed them letting them know about what we at DWD do, why we do it and how we try to help by listening. I had a lovely email response from Denise Robertson (their Agony Aunt) saying that she has had a look at DWD and thinks we are doing a wonderful job and that she will be referring people to us in the future. This is just amazing for me! I'm so thrilled and excited that the work that the wonderful team do totally unpaid and all the members has been given the thumbs up by someone who is so experienced and such a well known person. It's such a buzz. I couldn't do it on my own and I can't thank the mods and admin team nearly enough. They all give up their time voluntarily to help others. They are amazing.

It's also Mental Health Awareness week and someone posted a brilliant blog post on my Facebook wall, so I thought I'd share the link to. A card to celebrate because "you are the best kind of fucked up". CLICK HERE Please do click to share as it's a light hearted way to help break the stigma of Mental Health Illness.

30th May 2011

Depression is horrible. That much anyone who has ever been around someone with depression or experienced it themselves knows only too well. It doesn't only affect those with it, but those all around. It's like a ripple effect when you throw a stone into a lake. The ripples spread far wider than you think - and certainly further than you want.

One of our members posted something which they had posted on their blog yesterday and I thought that it might help someone else. I have asked permission (as always) and this has been given so I can share it with you.

I am depressed. I have depression. What does this mean? What should you say/do/think?

Don't think you have to treat me differently.
Talk to me
Ask me questions
Show that you care-a note, a text, anything will do
Be there for me
If you are serious about wanting to help be prepared for the long haul-its unlikely to get better overnight.
Don't make promises you can't keep (especially promises of time)
Just because I smile or laugh doesn't mean I'm "better"
Don't assume that because I'm depressed I can't smile or laugh. I do still have a sense of humour!
Don't make it all about me. Let me be a friend to you too.
Be prepared for silences when we're together

I think it's great, it certainly struck a chord with me, having been with my husband for a very long time and been with him through the marathon of his depression.

Something else happened to me yesterday, and this is a genuine desperate plea. A friend of mine went missing a couple of days ago; just vanished. He, like so many others, has been in a really really dark place and had left a message on facebook saying that he had lost everything so was checking out. I couldn't imagine firstly being that broken that disappearing or taking my own life is the only option I had, secondly being the person left behind and not knowing. He was found last night safe and unharmed which is brilliant news, but it made me have a desperate feeling of having to say not only to my husband, but to all the members several things:

~ No matter how bad things are, you aren't alone. There are people who care, who won't judge you, who will listen and who will be there for you.

~ If you do need some space, then let someone know. It doesn't have to be a long phonecall. Send a text, send an email, just let your loved ones know you are "just" taking space to work through things.

~ Get help. Yes we have all heard (or experienced 1st hand) that mental health services aren't fast, sometimes it takes a fight, but don't deal with your depression alone. Go to your GP or to A+E and get some help. Take someone you can talk easily in front of with you and a list of things you want to say. If it gets too much then hand over that list. Sadly you aren't the first and wont be the last person that the GP will see with depression or in tears.

~ Remember that having depression or mental health illness does NOT make you a failure, it is NOT a sign of weakness, it does not mean that you are defective or anything else. It means that you have been too strong for too long and you need some help. The same as you would if you had broken your leg. That is it. Nothing more than that.

~ With the right help, love and support it WILL get better. You rae amazing, you are wonderful and the world needs you in it.

Spotlight: Veggie's Story

Please remember that this has been written by a member who has bravely decided to share her story. I am incredibly in awe of this member. She is amazing and an inspiration for all in my opinion. I haven't changed anything. This is as she wrote it.

Thank you for sharing.

My Name is Veggie,i am married to a great husband and have a fabulous daughter who will be 18 in the summer, i have a lovely caring enviroment.

I clean for elderly people which i enjoy as it gives me chance to have a good old chat to them.It's not so much about the cleaning,it's more about company and support for them really.

I have suffered with depression for as long as i can remember, but as a child i didn't really realise it was depression, i just felt "sad".
The thing that really kicked it off was the fact that i was sexually abused by my father from the age of 4 1/2yrs and mentally and physically abused by my mother for as long as i can remember.
I can remember as a 3yr old being beaten for wetting the bed, (i continued to wet the bed well into my teens) My dad would protect me from the beatings as long as he was getting certain favours.

There was no escape anywhere for me, we had no other family and were known as one of those "odd" families on our street, some of the other kids weren't allowed to play with me.
When i got to secondary school the bullying started really badly and what little self-esteem i had was virtually bullied out of me,i became very withdrawn.
My sister had the same happen to her and although she got beatings from our mother,it was made clear that she was our mother's favourite, i would often be told that i wasn't loved.I once found a poem written to my sister from our mother telling her how beautiful she was and what a fabulouse daughter she was,that was the biggest kick in the teeth and i knew from that moment that my mother truly hated me.

When i was 11yrs old my parents managed to fool social services into letting them foster, we had a girl that was mentally disturbed,eventually she started to get beatings too, her school stepped in and my parents were taken to court, it was such a scary time,the police turned up one saturday morning and arrested all of us,i was locked in a cell alone and saw none of my family, i was told that if i didn't comply i would be put into care. I wish so much that i had been brave enough to speak up,but i wasn't.
The case was dropped on a technicality and the foster girl was never seen by us again,niether did they foster again.

Somehow i managed to carry on through life and eventually when i was 20yrs old i mat my lovely husband and finally told him about everything,he was the first person i'd ever told.
He was fantastic and really helped me,we'd talk for hours and i would cry for hours.
When we moved in together i remember trying to pick fights all the time because i wasn't used to being treated nicely, i wanted him to shout at me and abuse me because that was what i was accustomed to.
I eventually has coucelling for 5yrs and it did help to an extent.
We went on to have fertility treatment and had our daughter and once she was born i was determined she wouldn't suffer the way i did, i tried my hardest to make life good for her.
Ii'm sorry to say that i do still suffer with depression and i think i always will,sometimes i handle it,sometimes i fall to pieces.

The worst thing about suffering with depression is the feelings of hopelessness,the desire to end life,the failure to see good in life.
But there are also posative to being depressed, one is that i have found this amazing site and have made some fabulous friends, also depression has made me the person i am today, a fighter and a survivor.
Last year certain events triggered me to have a breakdown and i'm still trying to recover from that now.I get good days and bad days,which is something i've learnt with the depression.

I think the most important thing when suffering from depression is to talk,open up and let all the "poison" out and to take tiny steps on the climb back up, at the time you feel as if you will be forever under this huge black cloud, but that isn't the case,there is light at the end of the tunnel,there are good days you just have to take them when they come,grab them with both hands and soak them up.
On a bad day try to remember that there are and will be good days again.
That's it in a nutshell really, never give up.

The Fab 5s

This has to be one of my favourite threads we do each week.

The general idea is that over the week (Friday to Friday) we notice 5 things which have either made us smile or been positive for us and we list them. It's as simple as that. It's the only thread that we allow NO NEGATIVITY at all.

Some weeks 5 things may seem like a mammoth target and although the idea is to get 5, 1 is equally celebrated as are 7, 8 or 9. Each achievement is worth it's own celebration/victory/fireworks!!!

The theory behind the thread (yup there is one!) is that it helps to realise that even in the darkest times there is something good that has happened. It may be really really hard to see at the time, but looking back a spark of hope is always around.

Once members have been taking part in the weekly thread then they will become more practised at looking for the positives and hopefully then they can try to do this more often and so are able to cope better with daily issues and can find it easier to find those sparks when and if things get darker and harder for them.

The reason for doing it on a Friday is simple. The majority of people who are at work are off at the weekend or do social things such as meeting up with friends/going out etc and can do with starting off in a more positive frame of mind.

So there, that's the FAB 5's. Why not have a look through this weeks, and even join up and have a go!

Happy 4th Birthday DWD!

Wow, I cannot truly believe that DWD has been going for 4 years today! This is amazing. I don't think that when we started it that we would today still be going, let alone have over 80000 posts by 3000 or so members! On the one hand these figures are amazing and really do make me "wow!" But the sad reality are that these are people who haven't been able to get the help, support and advice from any other source and so have found us. I am so pleased that we have been able to support these 3000 or so and hope that we can support many many more over the coming years. Hopefully with us working with some of the other groups such as Time for Change, Breaking the silence and with TV producers such as Claire from Maverick TV things will change quicker for those with mental health illness and depression.

Anyway, happy day today! DWD is 4!!!!!

I thought I would share with you some things from our members!

Many people who have worked through a dark patch in their life look back at some of their beginning posts and just can't believe how far they have come. Sometimes it's amazing to see that journey unfold and although you can see how brilliantly someone is doing it's almost impossible for them to realise until they have managed to work their way up the ladder and can look around seeing how far they have come. I have included some quotes from members about how DWD has helped them over the years but have done them anonymously for obvious reasons.

"Dealing With Depression is a wonderful place. It's somewhere I can talk about how I am feeling without having to hide or to pretend. I know that no one will judge me as everyone understands what I am going through."

"Without Dealing With Depression I don't know where I would be now. DWD has changed my whole life. I now know that I am not alone."

"It's really great to know that there is always someone there who can listen."

Comments like this are amazing to hear. The mods and admin team work really hard to make sure that no one is alone, or feels alone and all believe passionately about being there and talking to people, helping them climb that ladder. We all are there no matter what is going on in our own lives, and we have all been there either as someone who is experiencing mental health illness or as a carer of someone who has.

One of our members has taken up watercolour painting. This is a huge step for this member who has allowed me to post some of their paintings here, which I am sure you will agree are amazing. The final picture here is of a special place to them, a local Church which they find so peaceful. It is amazing to see how far this member has come, especially when you know that they had a breakdown not that long ago. V - you are a true inspiration.

Happy birthday DWD. Let the party start! :)

Welcome!

This is the www.dealingwithdepression.co.uk blog for the second time. The first time that I created one (using something other than blogger) the blog was taken down for "spamming!" I was shocked and still am that something which is purely there to help to raise awareness of mental health illness and depression in particular could be removed for spamming. Well each to their own! 

So, welcome to the DWD blog. I aim to show off what our members achieve, the good things - yes there ARE good things when speaking to people with depression and mental health illness! These are the things which so many people underestimate or just don't even think about. People with depression and mental health illness are just as capable of "functioning" and being "productive members of society". 

One of our members runs two online radio shows, one for children called "Kidszone"  on a Saturday Morning  and one called Musical Memories playing songs from the shows and movies on a Sunday evening. I would suggest you have a listen! The link is: www.southdevonsound.co.uk/new

The same member also is the assistant Guider at a Rainbow and Brownie Unit in Stevenage whilst also having a young child and many other things to keep her busy! 

One of our wonderful Moderators runs her own business selling slings and baby carriers. She is also a breastfeeding supporter, organises sessions where people can go and try out slings, as well as having "munchkin" and "himself" to look after too! Her new business is just fabulous and we wish her all the luck with that! Take a peek at her website: http://www.kangarinos.co.uk/

Many of our members are keen craftspeople with knitting, crochet, papercrafts being amongst some of the amazing talents that can be demonstrated if you flick through the "arts and crafts" part of our forum. 

This is a blanket made by another of our moderators Mummyhill:

This was made by one of our American members:

People with depression and mental health illness should never be overlooked. They are volunteers as can be seen through our members who volunteer their time for fund raising for various charities, for the "Street Angels" organisation, to running our forum, to looking out for people around them whilst struggling with their own "demons."

One in Four people will suffer with depression or another mental health illness during their lifetime. It's time that the stigma associated was destroyed. Come and join us to talk about the good times and the not so good times..