10th September - Apologies, Sad Goodbyes, Welcome Hellos and general rambllings....

It feels like it's been forever since I've written a blog post and for that I'm sorry, but so much has been happening both in my own personal life and in the life of DealingWithDepression In fact so much has happened that I'm not really sure where to start, so forgive me if this doesn't make much sense or is in much order, but I know that you'll all understand.

Personally my husband has been struggling with his depression, anxiety, paranoia and social phobia and it's all been really hard to cope with as well as our eldest starting secondary school. I am so proud of our son as he has Aspergers Syndrome and finds change and new things really difficult to cope with. I hope he's settling in OK, although there appear to be a few teething issues, but I am sure we'll get there as long as he starts talking to me!

DWD has gone global in a really big way almost overnight and whilst I am thrilled with that, I'm scared by the responsibility I feel to so many - to give the right advice, to be online enough to make a difference and that I can handle it all. Our Facebook Page has shot up from struggling to get to 200 "likes" to now having over 6,600 worldwide members. It's really hard to know how much to post on there and I know that I haven't got that balance quite right yet, but I am working on it.
To cope with the huge increase in demand I've been really lucky at recruiting a number of "staff" to help monitor the page, answer the sometimes 10s, sometimes 100s of private messages we get every day as well as posting interesting or relavant items to the page to keep interest and to help reach out and break that terrible stigma which so many are struggling with on a daily basis.  The staff are fantastic and knowing that they are all working around their own lives, families, work commitments and mental health issues they are the unsung heros of DWD and they make it all possible. I just couldn't do it alone.
I'm trying hard to learn how different countries see mental health and how their systems work, it's hard and it's complicated, but most people are genuinely understanding when I suggest something which doesn't quite work for them, and for that I'm really grateful.

I've had to increase the staffing on the forum too as we have sadly lost our wonderful Aspasia to a teaching postion teaching English as a Foreign Language in Cairo. Whilst I am thrilled that she's doing something she has always wanted to do, it's no secret that Im going to miss having her around to text! She's not only an awesome moderator and someone who can always put into words what I'm thinking but she's become a great friend over the years too. I know that although this is a massive life change for her, it's going to be a great one for her and will be nothing short of awesome for those whose lives she will change.  So a sad goodbye to Aspasia for the time being, but she will be back ;)
The upside of us becoming much busier is that we've changed some staffing too. Emmie who is nothing short of miraculous with a wicked sense of humour, owner of her own business and Mum to the wonderful "Midget" has stepped up to the post of Assistant Admin which I'm really pleased about.
The lovely Jarre and Squishymama have both stepped up as Moderators which is wonderful as they are both perfect for the role and I know they will help shape and push DWD onwards and upwards.

Today has been a wierd day. It is "suicide prevention day" and yesterday was the 4 year anniversary of the passing of my lovely Dad. I've kind of therefore been thinking about grief a lot today and tried to be reaching out and reminding people of all the wonderful organisations who are out there to help when someone is in crisis. Samaritans are one such organisation who do such amazing work 24 hours a day, 7 days of the week, 52 weeks of the year. They are trained to talk to people over the phone/text or email.  Never forget that you are never alone, there is ALWAYS someone you can talk to.

I've promised myself that I'm going to do more blog posts and hope to share some more of the wonderful things that our members of the forum and facebook group do. We have some amazing artists, writers, posts, photographers and everything inbetween.
If you want to submit something creative or a link to your own business/site to be posted on this blog, please don't hesitate to CONTACT ME

I know this is a really long post (sorry) but once I started typing I just couldn't stop!

I normally do a couple of plugs for wonderful businesses which support DWD through their owners giving up their time to help with the technical/moderating/admin of either or both the forum or the FB page, but I know this is really long and it's the first in a while, so I'll keep it short:

Hills Handicrafts - Handmade beautifully crafted items
Kangarinos - Slings and baby carriers
Templedene Consultants - Website design, hosting and CMS
Precious Jewels Gems - Handmade beautiful jewellery
Alison George - Independent Trader for Phoenix Cards

Thanks for reading, I do appreciate it! :)

Suzi

Dpression through the eyes of a DWD forum member

This has come from a post on our wonderful forum today. It has been written by one of our members who wishes to remain anonymous. She has been going through a really rough blip and is working hard to find her way through it. She is doing all the right things by asking for help and shouting to get it when needed. She is talking to those around her and tying to make them understand how things are for her - how they REALLY are.

These are her words.

Depression is such a terrifying illness. It is like living in hell. It's like a feeling of being stuck in mud and struggling to get out. The feelings of no self worth makes it 100 times harder to ask for help. Because a depressed person believes there is no hope and no point. It may take several people to point out that they need help but its hard for that person to admit it. It's a challenge to see the positive because negative thoughts feel stronger and are taking over. One who is depressed may feel alone and that no one understands them. It is important that they know they are not alone and others are there to help. Depression is a nightmare that can go on and on. There is no set time for recovery and no instant cure. Even when one starts to feel better they must be prepared for blips and accept that this is not a weakness. Depression is a serious illness. Good news. It can be treated. It may take time. The most important thing is to take one step at a time. Give yourself time to heal and feel proud of every achievements and steps forward. I urge anyone reading this who thinks they may have depression to ask for help. Don't be ashamed. It's not your fault. Would you put off getting help if you broke a leg. I know how extremely difficult this illness is. I really thought I was better. I was so positive and beginning to feel happy again. I saw the signs when it started coming back. I was desperately upset to admit it was happening again. I put if off because I was frightened.I didn't want to live in that hell again. I wanted to punish myself because I thought it was all my fault. But thanks to some wonderful people (you know who you are) I found that courage and strength in myself to ask for the help I needed. I need to tell myself no matter how bad things seem at the time there is always light at the end of the tunnel.


Her words are powerful... But remember. She is right. Don't be ashamed to ask for help. YOU are important, YOU are special, YOU are more than worth someone's time, understanding and support. 


www.dealingwithdepression.co.uk will always be there if you need or want us to listen to. Don't be afraid to make that step and ask for help.

30th May 2011

Depression is horrible. That much anyone who has ever been around someone with depression or experienced it themselves knows only too well. It doesn't only affect those with it, but those all around. It's like a ripple effect when you throw a stone into a lake. The ripples spread far wider than you think - and certainly further than you want.

One of our members posted something which they had posted on their blog yesterday and I thought that it might help someone else. I have asked permission (as always) and this has been given so I can share it with you.

I am depressed. I have depression. What does this mean? What should you say/do/think?

Don't think you have to treat me differently.
Talk to me
Ask me questions
Show that you care-a note, a text, anything will do
Be there for me
If you are serious about wanting to help be prepared for the long haul-its unlikely to get better overnight.
Don't make promises you can't keep (especially promises of time)
Just because I smile or laugh doesn't mean I'm "better"
Don't assume that because I'm depressed I can't smile or laugh. I do still have a sense of humour!
Don't make it all about me. Let me be a friend to you too.
Be prepared for silences when we're together

I think it's great, it certainly struck a chord with me, having been with my husband for a very long time and been with him through the marathon of his depression.

Something else happened to me yesterday, and this is a genuine desperate plea. A friend of mine went missing a couple of days ago; just vanished. He, like so many others, has been in a really really dark place and had left a message on facebook saying that he had lost everything so was checking out. I couldn't imagine firstly being that broken that disappearing or taking my own life is the only option I had, secondly being the person left behind and not knowing. He was found last night safe and unharmed which is brilliant news, but it made me have a desperate feeling of having to say not only to my husband, but to all the members several things:

~ No matter how bad things are, you aren't alone. There are people who care, who won't judge you, who will listen and who will be there for you.

~ If you do need some space, then let someone know. It doesn't have to be a long phonecall. Send a text, send an email, just let your loved ones know you are "just" taking space to work through things.

~ Get help. Yes we have all heard (or experienced 1st hand) that mental health services aren't fast, sometimes it takes a fight, but don't deal with your depression alone. Go to your GP or to A+E and get some help. Take someone you can talk easily in front of with you and a list of things you want to say. If it gets too much then hand over that list. Sadly you aren't the first and wont be the last person that the GP will see with depression or in tears.

~ Remember that having depression or mental health illness does NOT make you a failure, it is NOT a sign of weakness, it does not mean that you are defective or anything else. It means that you have been too strong for too long and you need some help. The same as you would if you had broken your leg. That is it. Nothing more than that.

~ With the right help, love and support it WILL get better. You rae amazing, you are wonderful and the world needs you in it.

SPOTLIGHT: My story.

Wow, this feels weird. I am in total awe of Veggie and Mummyhill who have allowed me the privilege of posting their stories here, and I suppose that I should do the same.

My name is Suzi and I am the owner of DWD. Although my story is a little different. Although I have had PND with the birth of each of my babies it's not the same.

For me PND was so different each time and is truly not something I would wish on my worst enemy. It was so hard when you were meant to be the happiest person alive as you had your new bundle of joy to love and to look after and who would love you.

With my first (now 10!) his delivery was just the worst that you could ever imagine. The "not for faint hearted version" is that I was having contractions from the Sunday night and they got to 1 minute apart but I didn't dilate. Eventually on the Wednesday morning after no sleep, huge amounts of pain etc I eventually had an emergency C Section. It's a miracle that he is here, and me too. But no one (not even my husband) will ever know the full details of what happened during that time. I still have nightmares about it. With him I was so overprotective, but also trying to come to terms with the circumstances of his delivery and knowing that when he was 4 months old I would have to go back to work. It was horrible.

With my second I honestly didn't know if I could go through that again, so went to a different hospital who were brilliant. She was an elective c section as I was told there was no way I could ever even try to give birth naturally. After I had her though I just couldn't bond once we left hospital at all. I still feel guilty for that. She is amazing though. It didn't last long, my husband spotted all the signs and got me to talk to my health visitor. He also was brilliant, he listened to everything I had to say and never judged me for how I was feeling.

My third pregnancy was awful. My husband had crashed really badly with depression and openly told me that he didn't want any more, but that he would stick by me and my decisions. I knew I couldn't terminate the pregnancy and am so glad I didn't. She is such an amazing character (now nearly 6) and from the first moment he saw her he was glad too, she melted his heart instantly. With her I wouldn't let anyone else near....

One of the worst PND days was when I had to go for my 6 week check up at my GP's. I had my two baby girls (1 at 6 weeks and 1 at 16 months) in a double buggy and had bought only the bear essentials out with me. I had booked in at reception and gone to sit outside the drs room to be seen. I was there for what felt like hours, but I couldn't go anywhere to check as I didn't want to miss the appointment. I was in pain (3rd C section) and both the girls needed feeding and I had to get back in the other direction to get my 3 year old from nursery. It was only when the receptionist walked down with a cup of tea for the dr, looked at me and said "oh sorry I forgot to book you in! You'll have to come back to reception with me and we'll have to rearrange!" I couldn't believe it. I followed her back to the reception and just cried as she told me that I couldn't be seen now for another 2 weeks. I ended up collapsed on the floor of the reception with 2 screaming babies. It was at that point that my health visitor was called to help me as "well you are rather emotional aren't you?" She was amazing. She did the "are you suffering with pnd test" with me and was shocked as to my high level. She knew about my husband and was concerned, but supportive. She referred me to home start who were fabulous too. From there things got better. They did. Getting just a little help a couple of hours a week really was amazing.

But it was nothing like the way that my husband got. He sank deeper and deeper into a depression whilst he was working as a mental health housing support worker. His client base were people with very complex mental health illnesses and this did pull him down. The constant fighting of "the system" which just wasn't put in place to help (or so it seemed). Just as he found "the answer" another part of "the system" popped up and blocked the way. In the end it was just all too much for him.

He had a breakdown. It was the most scary time that I can remember. Up until we had a letter through the door saying "notice of intention to seek posession" I was under the impression that he was still paying the rent. He hadn't been. I wasn't working at the time and was at home with 1 3 year old displaying all the classic signs of Aspergers, 1 15 month old and a newborn baby. I didn't know what to do or where to turn.

No one at the benefits agencies would talk to me as if I was human, some of those I did end up speaking to were so amazingly rude. Did they think I wanted to be in this situation? Begging them for help?

Several days are clearer and more ingrained than others. He couldn't really function at all for 3 months, he didn't know how to interact with me or his babies. He likens it to knowing that there are 3 children there who need to be looked after and going through the motions, but now he's much better it's like they are HIS children. Does that make sense?

He went on medication. The side effects were awful. So he stopped. Just stopped and then felt even worse. He then tried some different meds, same thing. He had CBT and Counselling none of which really worked for him. Then he tried different meds and they made a difference. OK so it wasn't MY him, but he was far more alive than he had been. The meds were upped and upped and he was on them for 3 years. Within that time he has had a couple of CPNs - one of whom was brilliant, but only a locum.

The side effects from being on such a high dose for a long time is that he couldn't feel anything. Just numb is how he described it to me. He couldn't cry, couldn't feel joy or sadness or anything. He made the decision to stop taking them. Although I would have rathered that he did it gradually I knew he wouldn't and he didn't. He just stopped. To be honest though we haven't looked back. He now takes omega 3,6 + 9 oil capsules and these are just brilliant for him.

In the midst of all that with a friend we started DWD. I didn't want anyone else to ever have to go through what I had - the feeling of being alone, of not knowing who to talk to, where to turn. It's been such a hard journey, but so worth it. I will never ever underestimate the power of talking and of knowing that someone is there who actually cares. That's the most important thing and if I can be that person for 1 other person then I have done some good. All I ever wanted to do when I was little was to change the world and with my fabulous crew on DWD I will do - one person at a time.

The Fab 5s

This has to be one of my favourite threads we do each week.

The general idea is that over the week (Friday to Friday) we notice 5 things which have either made us smile or been positive for us and we list them. It's as simple as that. It's the only thread that we allow NO NEGATIVITY at all.

Some weeks 5 things may seem like a mammoth target and although the idea is to get 5, 1 is equally celebrated as are 7, 8 or 9. Each achievement is worth it's own celebration/victory/fireworks!!!

The theory behind the thread (yup there is one!) is that it helps to realise that even in the darkest times there is something good that has happened. It may be really really hard to see at the time, but looking back a spark of hope is always around.

Once members have been taking part in the weekly thread then they will become more practised at looking for the positives and hopefully then they can try to do this more often and so are able to cope better with daily issues and can find it easier to find those sparks when and if things get darker and harder for them.

The reason for doing it on a Friday is simple. The majority of people who are at work are off at the weekend or do social things such as meeting up with friends/going out etc and can do with starting off in a more positive frame of mind.

So there, that's the FAB 5's. Why not have a look through this weeks, and even join up and have a go!