Christmas Tips and a poem about depression

As you know I like to showcase things that the members of DWD do, their thoughts, tips for coping and how they are able to open up to others about how they are feeling.  Today is no different!

We've been brainstorming this week about thoughts and strategies to cope with the festivities and everyone has come up with some brilliant ideas such as

Take ten minutes, sit down and think about what YOU want from the holiday. Ask partners/children too, if you have them. Then come up with a plan that includes only what you want to do and can cope with.

If that means you order pizza on Christmas day like I did last year, so what? It's what I wanted to do, and it was awesome. No-one will enjoy the time if you push too hard, no-one will enjoy it if there's a big family argument, and no-one will enjoy it if you don't, because those who love you want you to be happy and won't be if you aren't.

The whole thread can be find here: Tips on how to cope with Christmas

We also know that having children around can cause stress when you are trying desperately to do all those things which we seem to be putting pressure on ourselves to do, so we've come up with a list of activities which are simple to do, but will keep children of all ages and abilities entertained and give you some time out if you need it!

One of those activities is:

Christmas/festive wreaths. Take a apaper plate and cut out the middle. The decorate the outside with leaves, or pom poms (green and a few red in Mr Maker) or packing peanuts or like in our house, glitter and much of it!


The whole thread is here:  Ideas to keep small people amused over the festive period. 

This poem has been written by one of our members over night when she was unable to sleep. I think it's beautifully written.

Depression is a illness
It's not very kind
It makes one feel low
And upsetting thoughts in the mind

It's time to get help
When it makes you so low
For there are ways
to help it go

There's nothing to be ashamed of
It doesn't mean you are week
It can happen to anyone
And makes things look so bleak

It may take time
To get better
Make sure you talk
Even if it means writting a letter

Dwd is a safe place to be
The people are supportive and kind
It's a good place to talk
To get it off your mind

They are not professionals
But have experiences of their own
Through themselves, family members
Great help they have shown

You are important
So talk about how you feel
Accept the help
And give yourself time to heel

Remember you are not alone
There is help out there
To get you through
And make it easier to bare

There is a light at the end of the tunnel
As you learn how to cope
It will get better
Just keep on to that hope


Whilst we know that the festive season is one filled with happiness for so many, we at DWD know that it's not always like that, so we will be open as usual and be there to listen if you need it. Remember, you aren't alone and there is always someone to talk to. 

Living with my own negativity (a positive post)

Once again a DWD member (actually a global mod on this occasion)  has managed to do something which so many books, medical journal articles, media representations etc just have not ever managed to do for me. She has brilliantly explained how she feels and how her negative thought processes work and affect her on a daily basis.  The following is her post, in it's whole state and once again I haven't changed anything.

Thought I'd share my morning with you! I'm not entirely sure why, partly because it's opened up a few wounds so I'm exorcising what my brain has uncovered, plus it was explaining some aspects of depression to someone who doesn't understand it and it may help people see more about their condition from how I see mine or something! ;-)

I run our local bfing group with another lady and we had a big meeting with the staff last week. I felt it went very badly but speaking to her she reassured me that it didn't. Then she said "You're very pesimistic!" So I attempted to explain what life in my brain is like.

I explained about the big black hole of depression as I see it. 'Normal people' wander around on the surface not in the hole, my normal position is halfway down it, I've been down at the bottom as well (I didn't much like it there) and I had about a week when I start fluoxetine when I popped out the hole and that was just weird but usually I lurk around the middle. How do you cope with that she asked. I told her that it just seemed normal to me now but that I tried to be aware that I was in the hole and so didn't always see things as there are, I try to use other people (like her with regards to the meeting for example) as a gauge to see if I am looking at things negatively. The example I used:

There are 100 statements, 99 of them are positive, one is negative. I will ignore the 99 and focus on the one, I will build it up, focus on it, pick away at it, the 99 won't matter because of this one negative comment. I can't see it for what it is or look at it rationally. Over the years I have learned that I do this and I try to use other people as a gauge as to whether I am being unduly negative and work hard to look at things as they really are iyswim.

It makes change difficult as I will automatically focus on the negative and predict the future ("It's going to be awful because of xyz, I won't cope."). I do spend a lot of time now trying to work through my negative feelings, find the positive ones and get them all in perspective but it still takes a lot of work at the moment (which is very relevant as our bfing group is going through a lot of changes and while I may not seem receptive I am working very hard on it I just find some things difficult)

Having said of all of that I'm not depressed at the moment (or rather I would not consider myself as such!), I would consider myself more to be eeyore, I see the negative before the positive but I'm working on it.

Does any of that sounds familiar to other people? How do you put things in perspective?


Huge thanks to you for allowing me to post this. I know that many of our members have found this post helpful, and I am sure that many other people will too. 


Thank you.

Dpression through the eyes of a DWD forum member

This has come from a post on our wonderful forum today. It has been written by one of our members who wishes to remain anonymous. She has been going through a really rough blip and is working hard to find her way through it. She is doing all the right things by asking for help and shouting to get it when needed. She is talking to those around her and tying to make them understand how things are for her - how they REALLY are.

These are her words.

Depression is such a terrifying illness. It is like living in hell. It's like a feeling of being stuck in mud and struggling to get out. The feelings of no self worth makes it 100 times harder to ask for help. Because a depressed person believes there is no hope and no point. It may take several people to point out that they need help but its hard for that person to admit it. It's a challenge to see the positive because negative thoughts feel stronger and are taking over. One who is depressed may feel alone and that no one understands them. It is important that they know they are not alone and others are there to help. Depression is a nightmare that can go on and on. There is no set time for recovery and no instant cure. Even when one starts to feel better they must be prepared for blips and accept that this is not a weakness. Depression is a serious illness. Good news. It can be treated. It may take time. The most important thing is to take one step at a time. Give yourself time to heal and feel proud of every achievements and steps forward. I urge anyone reading this who thinks they may have depression to ask for help. Don't be ashamed. It's not your fault. Would you put off getting help if you broke a leg. I know how extremely difficult this illness is. I really thought I was better. I was so positive and beginning to feel happy again. I saw the signs when it started coming back. I was desperately upset to admit it was happening again. I put if off because I was frightened.I didn't want to live in that hell again. I wanted to punish myself because I thought it was all my fault. But thanks to some wonderful people (you know who you are) I found that courage and strength in myself to ask for the help I needed. I need to tell myself no matter how bad things seem at the time there is always light at the end of the tunnel.


Her words are powerful... But remember. She is right. Don't be ashamed to ask for help. YOU are important, YOU are special, YOU are more than worth someone's time, understanding and support. 


www.dealingwithdepression.co.uk will always be there if you need or want us to listen to. Don't be afraid to make that step and ask for help.

General Ponderings

Normally I don't write this blog with just my own thoughts. Normally I like to share and promote the wonderful things that our members do, but looking through my own Facebook Wall something occurred to me and so I thought I would write it here to see if it was just me or not! :)

We all know that the whole "Facebook thing" is more than slightly "odd". Yes it's great that we can now get in contact with everyone we've ever said "hi" to or who we knew back when we were 3 or went to playgroup with. But is it actually helpful? I know for me personally I had all these requests to be "friends" with people who I went to school with. YAY I looked really "popular" having lots of "friends" and then one night when the latest one had posted about their fantastic life jet setting all over the world at the drop of the hat, going our socialising, never having to worry about money etc I had the sudden realisation that actually it wasn't making me happy finding out all these things. In fact it was making me feel sad that my life has turned out so differently from how it was all meant to be. Don't get me wrong I love my husband and I love our children and yes in the grand scheme of things I'm happy. So why was it bothering me? Maybe because these people had never been friends of mine, they had only been mere acquaintances if that tbh at school or people who I just didn't get on with at all. So why had I added them? Someone once said that if something or someone in your life isn't a positive influence or have a positive effect on you then cut them out of your life. So that's what I did and am far more content surrounding myself with people who really do have a similar outlook to life that I have. No I may not have thousands of friends, but I do have those who count and who don't judge me and those who I want to have.

Facebook is full of groups. This we know.I've come across so many who are either really negative, those who are promoting homophobia, racism, sexism or other forms of hate crime or those which seem to me to just be overly jolly about everything. I do "get" the whole positivity thing, but there are times for everyone when life just isn't like that and some of them are just (imho) totally pointless.

At the moment lots of my friends seem to be following those who are sharing quotes. Do positive quotes help you to get past the way that you are feeling?

Which got me thinking about mantras. Do mantras help? One of our DWD Team has the mantra "This too shall pass" and mine is "I will be the best person that I can be today." Both I think of as positive but with meaning. Some I've seen (to me) seem almost ridiculous and pointless, such as "Today I will be happy." OK that's great, but it's not something that you can work with if something negative happens. I've always thought that something like a mantra should at least be workable with all the time and shouldn't be something which is so dependent on external factors. I do always aim to be the best person who I can be on any given day. Sometimes I'm better than others, but it's always my best.

I do feel that at this point I should end with a quote or a mantra so I shall ;)

World Mental Health Day!

Thanks to Marc Shaw for the World Mental Health Day logo.

As it's World Mental Health Day I thought I would share with you some of the amazing things which our members do on a regular basis. Our members really are incredible people who are capable and do achieve so much. They are not defined by their Mental Health Illness, but they are people with their own hopes, fears, achievements, desires and experiences. They are a group of people with talents, jobs, families, friends and loved ones.

Some of our members have served or are currently serving in their countries Armed Forces having to do things which most of us hope we never have to face. Those members have each been left with their own scars, but are all brave people who have done their duty.

Dealing with Depression is full of members who have talents. These might be singing through to artists, craftspeople, jewellery makers, crocheters as well as writers.

One of our members who wishes to remain anon wrote this which I have their permission to share. I think it's really poignant about her time being bullied.

I have always wished that I could be like everyone else. To be able to say what I like and know that I will be understood.

I dont want to be different or stand out from the crowd. Some people treat me as if I am stupid because I can't get my words out sometimes.
They shout and scream at me - why?
Is it because they don't understand me? That doesn't seem very fair.

When I was a child, I was deaf and so I couldn't hear what people said. I felt trapped in my own world. I couldn't understand what was said to me, and I couldn't answer back. It was a very lonely existence.

Then, I went away to a wonderful place - a place where people seemed to understand me and helped me to communicate. At last, I could lift my head and look up. It was a new world - a friendly, exciting world and do you know what? I was part of it.

It still wasn't easy - the bullies on the bus who mimicked me, the shop assistant who ignored me. It was hard but I tried not to let it get me down.
Gradually, I built up my confidence and more and more people understood me. I just want to be accepted and remembered for who I am, not for the one with the funny voice.

If it weren't for the many people who have helped me over the years, I wouldn't be talking to you guys today.

Two of our own Team have wonderful achievements recently.

Mummyhill (Asst Admin) has completed and passed her BSL level one course which is fantastic!

Emmie (Global Mod) has completed a course to qualify her to teach other people in wearing slings and carrying their infants safely. This is fabulous! This will also help her with her sling business, Kangarinos

Well done to both of you!!

Other forum members create some amazing artwork using different mediums:

Veggie uses watercolours and shows great talent. These are some of her most recently shared with us on the forum (again I have her permission to share):

For any crocheters we have a Crotchet Along A Shawl Thread running with the expert Mummyhill guiding those of us through the pattern complete with her own pictures. She really is rather brilliant. The finished shawl looks like this:

Another of our members creates brilliant digital art as well as being a jewellery designer and maker. She really is rather talented. These are a few of Angies work:

As you can see the members of Dealing With Depression have so many talents and are so much more than a diagnosis of Mental Health Illness. Please remember this when you come in contact with someone who is in need of support and understanding - not stigma and not assumptions based on media scare stories.

1 in 4 people will experience mental health difficulties at some point in their lives (Taken from The Mental Health Foundation). So help remove the stigma and be part of something far greater - understanding and humanity.

Exciting news, Mental health awareness week and other things ;)

Well it's October. This is a time of year that DWD normally gets busier with lots of new members and returning older faces due to the seasons changing, days getting shorter and people finding it hard to cope. It's also drawing closer to Christmas which can be such a hard time for so many people.

I do have some exciting news. A while ago ITV's "This Morning" were doing a piece on Depression and so I emailed them letting them know about what we at DWD do, why we do it and how we try to help by listening. I had a lovely email response from Denise Robertson (their Agony Aunt) saying that she has had a look at DWD and thinks we are doing a wonderful job and that she will be referring people to us in the future. This is just amazing for me! I'm so thrilled and excited that the work that the wonderful team do totally unpaid and all the members has been given the thumbs up by someone who is so experienced and such a well known person. It's such a buzz. I couldn't do it on my own and I can't thank the mods and admin team nearly enough. They all give up their time voluntarily to help others. They are amazing.

It's also Mental Health Awareness week and someone posted a brilliant blog post on my Facebook wall, so I thought I'd share the link to. A card to celebrate because "you are the best kind of fucked up". CLICK HERE Please do click to share as it's a light hearted way to help break the stigma of Mental Health Illness.

Panic Attacks explained the Da Nessie Way

Admin Note: I am posting this brilliant piece by one of our members, Nessie who has agreed to let me copy it here. I have copied and pasted the below and it is just as Nessie has written it. I have set it as a "sticky topic" on the forum as I think that it is something which could provide invaluable as a resource for many others. Thank you Nessie xxx

It seems to me that a lot of people on DWD suffer with panic attacks and are in need of advice and information on the subject so i have decided to start this thread explaining what panic attacks are in my own words and what i have found helps me. I hope i can help some of you too...

Panic attacks explained the Nessie way....:~)

Panic attacks are some of the most scary experiences you will come across ever!

I have suffered with panic attacks most of my life and can tell you it’s one of the most difficult things in the world to gain control of.

My experiences with panic started the first year I started working where a bomb was planted in the building across the road from where I was working and after the explosion I did what most people tell you not to do, I ran to the window to look! What I saw that day stays with me and I believe is the start of what is call post traumatic stress disorder. I looked down onto the street and saw carnage, but what sticks with me was a man lying in the middle of the road with half his leg blown off... I can still recall that moment and visualize it...

My attacks got worse after a car accident that put me in hospital for 3 months and among other things living in South Africa and having to deal with being robbed 9 times in 3 years to the point where I actually woke up with a guy at the end of my bed one night!

It was kind of inevitable that I should developed a panic disorder don't you think?

I can't tell you how many times I have been to doctors only to have them tell me I need to see psychiatrists... my response was "are you saying I am crazy?" My symptoms are real and I feel like absolute crap!

Truth is it wasn't until I actually started doing some research and actually learning about panic attacks that I started understanding what it is and what effect it has on your body. My theory now is that you can't begin to defeat what's wrong with you if you have no concept of what it is that you are fighting. So I am writing this down and hoping that it may actually help others to understand panic attacks and help them actually find ways of being in control again cause there is nothing worse than that feeling a panic attack brings that you have no control over it and you are actually gonna die!

Anyway this is my take on panic attacks.

Now I am no scientist but this is what I have learnt and has worked for me. Firstly understanding what a panicky attack is.

OK in the good old days when we were hunters and gatherers if we came across a lion in the jungle what would happen? Well me I would run screaming from the scene like a crazy person! I am guessing you would to otherwise all that would be left of you is a wet patch...

Well this is what they call the fight or flight syndrome. Your body reacts by giving you extra adrenalin so you can run your little legs off!

Only times have changed and there no longer is the need for you to run away from things our danger is still very real but also very different. You can't run away when you are in a car accident can you? Granted there are circumstances were up will need to run like when you are being mugged and all that. But my theory is this... you get attacked by a lion maybe once and then learn to avoid me but in today's society where people are always scared of being mugged, raped, being in car accidents, walking down the road and getting shot by some random taxi driver who has lost his marbles.... well the end result is that we as people stay in a constant state of anxiety. Our adrenal gland is forever giving extra adrenaline that our bodies don't know what to do with because we really have nowhere to run to!

So what happens when you have extra adrenaline that you don't really use?

Adrenalin is a hormone and a neurotransmitter. When produced in the body it increases heart rate, contracts blood vessels and dilates air passages. Its purpose is to prepare the body for quick reaction.

The heart starts to pump faster providing the muscles with more oxygen. - (my reaction OMG why does my chest feel so tight? I am having a heart attack!!)

Eye pupils dilate in order to take in more light. (JEEZ who turned on the bloody lights I am getting a migraine!)

The veins in the skin constrict in order to send more blood to major muscle groups. This bodily reaction is responsible for the chills and shaking that people feel when experiencing a panic attack. The redistribution of blood means that there is less blood to keep the skin warm and this also makes it loose colour and look pale. (OMG I want to run away, why, how, where can I run to? I am so confused what's wrong with me? I must be getting sick!)

The levels of blood-glucose increase. Glucose is the simplest form of sugar and is quickly absorbed by the body. This means that the body has released into the blood stream extra energy resources. Muscles tense up - energized from the adrenaline and glucose. (Why do I feel so tense and stressed and wound up? What's wrong with me am I getting sick? Am I having some kind of seizure?)

None essential systems like digestion, hair and nail growth and also the immune system shut down. This is the reason why people often experience feeling of indigestion. (URG I feel sick and nauseous)

Temporally the human body is functioning at its best, absorbing stored energy, vitamins and minerals in order for it to run and fight at its hardest. (Why am I shaking so much, jeez I feel like I want to jump out of my own body and run away from it!)

Once a panic attack has started all these processes happens automatically. Adrenalin is a hormone and once released into the blood stream there is nothing a person can do to stop producing its effects physically. However people can prepare mentally in order to prevent panic attacks from happening.

I believe that the last statement is our beacon of hope. It means that you can take control over what happens to you. But its something only you can do.... trust me no one can do it for you because they don't feel what you feel and have no idea how bad it feels to be there. The thing to remember is that somehow your brain has now been trained to panic all the time and what you need to do is somehow find a way to retrain your brain.

So these are my tools for dealing with a panic attacks.

First i learnt a way to distract myself from the panic attack, and then i learnt to control the attack through breathing and my very own adaptation of meditation...

The following video I watched some time ago and honestly at first it made me laugh my head off because there is no way I could do that in public...! I would look like I was having some kind of mental breakdown...lol But I did realize in doing it that it actually distracted me from what I was going through..... so watch the video and try to be honest about how you feel after you have done the whole exercise all the way through. The point I am trying to make with the video is that if you distract yourself from the negative emotions you feel you can actually be in control. Again you can go around tapping every day but I find something as simple as just holding onto a acupressure point on my wrist now helps me to start focusing on my breathing and distract myself from the negative feelings... you have nothing to lose by just trying the technique and adapting it to suit you...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gmz-b2sV0Q&feature=channel

In my bid to gain control over panic attacks I have watched many videos and read a million articles on the internet and have picked out a few that actually helped me, i have learnt so much about meditation and how it can help, but i do believe meditation is a very personal thing and you have to find a person and a voice that works for you. I hope they will help you but if they bore you please don't let them distract you from finding the path that works for you. Just try to remember nothing worth achieving was achieved easily, we always have to put hard work and effort into anything worth having.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSU8ftmmhmw&feature=channel

Free guided meditation links: I have personally downloaded all the free guided meditations they offer and can assure you they are all quite safe

http://www.silvaultramindsystem.com/lp/meditation-2

http://www.project-meditation.org/

http://www.fragrantheart.com/cms/free-audio-meditations