The official blog for the UK based (although catering for world wide) forum www.dealingwithdepression.co.uk Please join us. We are the only place which specifically caters for those with depression and other mental health illness as well as their friends and families. 

We are a supportive and positive place to share both the pain and the joys of depression and mental health illness. 

Tuesday, 20 December 2011

Christmas Tips and a poem about depression



As you know I like to showcase things that the members of DWD do, their thoughts, tips for coping and how they are able to open up to others about how they are feeling.  Today is no different!

We've been brainstorming this week about thoughts and strategies to cope with the festivities and everyone has come up with some brilliant ideas such as

Take ten minutes, sit down and think about what YOU want from the holiday. Ask partners/children too, if you have them. Then come up with a plan that includes only what you want to do and can cope with.

If that means you order pizza on Christmas day like I did last year, so what? It's what I wanted to do, and it was awesome. No-one will enjoy the time if you push too hard, no-one will enjoy it if there's a big family argument, and no-one will enjoy it if you don't, because those who love you want you to be happy and won't be if you aren't.


The whole thread can be find here: Tips on how to cope with Christmas

We also know that having children around can cause stress when you are trying desperately to do all those things which we seem to be putting pressure on ourselves to do, so we've come up with a list of activities which are simple to do, but will keep children of all ages and abilities entertained and give you some time out if you need it!

One of those activities is:

Christmas/festive wreaths. Take a apaper plate and cut out the middle. The decorate the outside with leaves, or pom poms (green and a few red in Mr Maker) or packing peanuts or like in our house, glitter and much of it!


The whole thread is here:  Ideas to keep small people amused over the festive period. 

This poem has been written by one of our members over night when she was unable to sleep. I think it's beautifully written.

Depression is a illness
It's not very kind
It makes one feel low
And upsetting thoughts in the mind

It's time to get help
When it makes you so low
For there are ways
to help it go

There's nothing to be ashamed of
It doesn't mean you are week
It can happen to anyone
And makes things look so bleak

It may take time
To get better
Make sure you talk
Even if it means writting a letter

Dwd is a safe place to be
The people are supportive and kind
It's a good place to talk
To get it off your mind

They are not professionals
But have experiences of their own
Through themselves, family members
Great help they have shown

You are important
So talk about how you feel
Accept the help
And give yourself time to heel

Remember you are not alone
There is help out there
To get you through
And make it easier to bare

There is a light at the end of the tunnel
As you learn how to cope
It will get better
Just keep on to that hope



Whilst we know that the festive season is one filled with happiness for so many, we at DWD know that it's not always like that, so we will be open as usual and be there to listen if you need it. Remember, you aren't alone and there is always someone to talk to. 

Friday, 16 December 2011

Living with my own negativity (a positive post)

Once again a DWD member (actually a global mod on this occasion)  has managed to do something which so many books, medical journal articles, media representations etc just have not ever managed to do for me. She has brilliantly explained how she feels and how her negative thought processes work and affect her on a daily basis.  The following is her post, in it's whole state and once again I haven't changed anything.

Thought I'd share my morning with you! I'm not entirely sure why, partly because it's opened up a few wounds so I'm exorcising what my brain has uncovered, plus it was explaining some aspects of depression to someone who doesn't understand it and it may help people see more about their condition from how I see mine or something! ;-)

I run our local bfing group with another lady and we had a big meeting with the staff last week. I felt it went very badly but speaking to her she reassured me that it didn't. Then she said "You're very pesimistic!" So I attempted to explain what life in my brain is like.

I explained about the big black hole of depression as I see it. 'Normal people' wander around on the surface not in the hole, my normal position is halfway down it, I've been down at the bottom as well (I didn't much like it there) and I had about a week when I start fluoxetine when I popped out the hole and that was just weird but usually I lurk around the middle. How do you cope with that she asked. I told her that it just seemed normal to me now but that I tried to be aware that I was in the hole and so didn't always see things as there are, I try to use other people (like her with regards to the meeting for example) as a gauge to see if I am looking at things negatively. The example I used:

There are 100 statements, 99 of them are positive, one is negative. I will ignore the 99 and focus on the one, I will build it up, focus on it, pick away at it, the 99 won't matter because of this one negative comment. I can't see it for what it is or look at it rationally. Over the years I have learned that I do this and I try to use other people as a gauge as to whether I am being unduly negative and work hard to look at things as they really are iyswim.

It makes change difficult as I will automatically focus on the negative and predict the future ("It's going to be awful because of xyz, I won't cope."). I do spend a lot of time now trying to work through my negative feelings, find the positive ones and get them all in perspective but it still takes a lot of work at the moment (which is very relevant as our bfing group is going through a lot of changes and while I may not seem receptive I am working very hard on it I just find some things difficult)

Having said of all of that I'm not depressed at the moment (or rather I would not consider myself as such!), I would consider myself more to be eeyore, I see the negative before the positive but I'm working on it.

Does any of that sounds familiar to other people? How do you put things in perspective?



Huge thanks to you for allowing me to post this. I know that many of our members have found this post helpful, and I am sure that many other people will too. 


Thank you.

Friday, 9 December 2011

Dpression through the eyes of a DWD forum member

This has come from a post on our wonderful forum today. It has been written by one of our members who wishes to remain anonymous. She has been going through a really rough blip and is working hard to find her way through it. She is doing all the right things by asking for help and shouting to get it when needed. She is talking to those around her and tying to make them understand how things are for her - how they REALLY are.

These are her words.

Depression is such a terrifying illness. It is like living in hell. It's like a feeling of being stuck in mud and struggling to get out. The feelings of no self worth makes it 100 times harder to ask for help. Because a depressed person believes there is no hope and no point. It may take several people to point out that they need help but its hard for that person to admit it. It's a challenge to see the positive because negative thoughts feel stronger and are taking over. One who is depressed may feel alone and that no one understands them. It is important that they know they are not alone and others are there to help. Depression is a nightmare that can go on and on. There is no set time for recovery and no instant cure. Even when one starts to feel better they must be prepared for blips and accept that this is not a weakness. Depression is a serious illness. Good news. It can be treated. It may take time. The most important thing is to take one step at a time. Give yourself time to heal and feel proud of every achievements and steps forward. I urge anyone reading this who thinks they may have depression to ask for help. Don't be ashamed. It's not your fault. Would you put off getting help if you broke a leg. I know how extremely difficult this illness is. I really thought I was better. I was so positive and beginning to feel happy again. I saw the signs when it started coming back. I was desperately upset to admit it was happening again. I put if off because I was frightened.I didn't want to live in that hell again. I wanted to punish myself because I thought it was all my fault. But thanks to some wonderful people (you know who you are) I found that courage and strength in myself to ask for the help I needed. I need to tell myself no matter how bad things seem at the time there is always light at the end of the tunnel.


Her words are powerful... But remember. She is right. Don't be ashamed to ask for help. YOU are important, YOU are special, YOU are more than worth someone's time, understanding and support. 


www.dealingwithdepression.co.uk will always be there if you need or want us to listen to. Don't be afraid to make that step and ask for help.

Thursday, 13 October 2011

General Ponderings

Normally I don't write this blog with just my own thoughts. Normally I like to share and promote the wonderful things that our members do, but looking through my own Facebook Wall something occurred to me and so I thought I would write it here to see if it was just me or not! :)

We all know that the whole "Facebook thing" is more than slightly "odd". Yes it's great that we can now get in contact with everyone we've ever said "hi" to or who we knew back when we were 3 or went to playgroup with. But is it actually helpful? I know for me personally I had all these requests to be "friends" with people who I went to school with. YAY I looked really "popular" having lots of "friends" and then one night when the latest one had posted about their fantastic life jet setting all over the world at the drop of the hat, going our socialising, never having to worry about money etc I had the sudden realisation that actually it wasn't making me happy finding out all these things. In fact it was making me feel sad that my life has turned out so differently from how it was all meant to be. Don't get me wrong I love my husband and I love our children and yes in the grand scheme of things I'm happy. So why was it bothering me? Maybe because these people had never been friends of mine, they had only been mere acquaintances if that tbh at school or people who I just didn't get on with at all. So why had I added them? Someone once said that if something or someone in your life isn't a positive influence or have a positive effect on you then cut them out of your life. So that's what I did and am far more content surrounding myself with people who really do have a similar outlook to life that I have. No I may not have thousands of friends, but I do have those who count and who don't judge me and those who I want to have.

Facebook is full of groups. This we know.I've come across so many who are either really negative, those who are promoting homophobia, racism, sexism or other forms of hate crime or those which seem to me to just be overly jolly about everything. I do "get" the whole positivity thing, but there are times for everyone when life just isn't like that and some of them are just (imho) totally pointless.

At the moment lots of my friends seem to be following those who are sharing quotes. Do positive quotes help you to get past the way that you are feeling?





Which got me thinking about mantras. Do mantras help? One of our DWD Team has the mantra "This too shall pass" and mine is "I will be the best person that I can be today." Both I think of as positive but with meaning. Some I've seen (to me) seem almost ridiculous and pointless, such as "Today I will be happy." OK that's great, but it's not something that you can work with if something negative happens. I've always thought that something like a mantra should at least be workable with all the time and shouldn't be something which is so dependent on external factors. I do always aim to be the best person who I can be on any given day. Sometimes I'm better than others, but it's always my best.

I do feel that at this point I should end with a quote or a mantra so I shall ;)



Monday, 10 October 2011

World Mental Health Day!

Thanks to Marc Shaw for the World Mental Health Day logo.

As it's World Mental Health Day I thought I would share with you some of the amazing things which our members do on a regular basis. Our members really are incredible people who are capable and do achieve so much. They are not defined by their Mental Health Illness, but they are people with their own hopes, fears, achievements, desires and experiences. They are a group of people with talents, jobs, families, friends and loved ones.

Some of our members have served or are currently serving in their countries Armed Forces having to do things which most of us hope we never have to face. Those members have each been left with their own scars, but are all brave people who have done their duty.

Dealing with Depression is full of members who have talents. These might be singing through to artists, craftspeople, jewellery makers, crocheters as well as writers.

One of our members who wishes to remain anon wrote this which I have their permission to share. I think it's really poignant about her time being bullied.

I have always wished that I could be like everyone else. To be able to say what I like and know that I will be understood.

I dont want to be different or stand out from the crowd. Some people treat me as if I am stupid because I can't get my words out sometimes.
They shout and scream at me - why?
Is it because they don't understand me? That doesn't seem very fair.

When I was a child, I was deaf and so I couldn't hear what people said. I felt trapped in my own world. I couldn't understand what was said to me, and I couldn't answer back. It was a very lonely existence.

Then, I went away to a wonderful place - a place where people seemed to understand me and helped me to communicate. At last, I could lift my head and look up. It was a new world - a friendly, exciting world and do you know what? I was part of it.

It still wasn't easy - the bullies on the bus who mimicked me, the shop assistant who ignored me. It was hard but I tried not to let it get me down.
Gradually, I built up my confidence and more and more people understood me. I just want to be accepted and remembered for who I am, not for the one with the funny voice.

If it weren't for the many people who have helped me over the years, I wouldn't be talking to you guys today.

Two of our own Team have wonderful achievements recently.

Mummyhill (Asst Admin) has completed and passed her BSL level one course which is fantastic!

Emmie (Global Mod) has completed a course to qualify her to teach other people in wearing slings and carrying their infants safely. This is fabulous! This will also help her with her sling business, Kangarinos

Well done to both of you!!

Other forum members create some amazing artwork using different mediums:

Veggie uses watercolours and shows great talent. These are some of her most recently shared with us on the forum (again I have her permission to share):






For any crocheters we have a Crotchet Along A Shawl Thread running with the expert Mummyhill guiding those of us through the pattern complete with her own pictures. She really is rather brilliant. The finished shawl looks like this:



Another of our members creates brilliant digital art as well as being a jewellery designer and maker. She really is rather talented. These are a few of Angies work:






As you can see the members of Dealing With Depression have so many talents and are so much more than a diagnosis of Mental Health Illness. Please remember this when you come in contact with someone who is in need of support and understanding - not stigma and not assumptions based on media scare stories.

1 in 4 people will experience mental health difficulties at some point in their lives (Taken from The Mental Health Foundation). So help remove the stigma and be part of something far greater - understanding and humanity.

Friday, 7 October 2011

Exciting news, Mental health awareness week and other things ;)

Well it's October. This is a time of year that DWD normally gets busier with lots of new members and returning older faces due to the seasons changing, days getting shorter and people finding it hard to cope. It's also drawing closer to Christmas which can be such a hard time for so many people.

I do have some exciting news. A while ago ITV's "This Morning" were doing a piece on Depression and so I emailed them letting them know about what we at DWD do, why we do it and how we try to help by listening. I had a lovely email response from Denise Robertson (their Agony Aunt) saying that she has had a look at DWD and thinks we are doing a wonderful job and that she will be referring people to us in the future. This is just amazing for me! I'm so thrilled and excited that the work that the wonderful team do totally unpaid and all the members has been given the thumbs up by someone who is so experienced and such a well known person. It's such a buzz. I couldn't do it on my own and I can't thank the mods and admin team nearly enough. They all give up their time voluntarily to help others. They are amazing.

It's also Mental Health Awareness week and someone posted a brilliant blog post on my Facebook wall, so I thought I'd share the link to. A card to celebrate because "you are the best kind of fucked up". CLICK HERE Please do click to share as it's a light hearted way to help break the stigma of Mental Health Illness.


Monday, 15 August 2011

Panic Attacks explained the Da Nessie Way

Admin Note: I am posting this brilliant piece by one of our members, Nessie who has agreed to let me copy it here. I have copied and pasted the below and it is just as Nessie has written it. I have set it as a "sticky topic" on the forum as I think that it is something which could provide invaluable as a resource for many others. Thank you Nessie xxx

It seems to me that a lot of people on DWD suffer with panic attacks and are in need of advice and information on the subject so i have decided to start this thread explaining what panic attacks are in my own words and what i have found helps me. I hope i can help some of you too...

Panic attacks explained the Nessie way....:~)

Panic attacks are some of the most scary experiences you will come across ever!

I have suffered with panic attacks most of my life and can tell you it’s one of the most difficult things in the world to gain control of.

My experiences with panic started the first year I started working where a bomb was planted in the building across the road from where I was working and after the explosion I did what most people tell you not to do, I ran to the window to look! What I saw that day stays with me and I believe is the start of what is call post traumatic stress disorder. I looked down onto the street and saw carnage, but what sticks with me was a man lying in the middle of the road with half his leg blown off... I can still recall that moment and visualize it...

My attacks got worse after a car accident that put me in hospital for 3 months and among other things living in South Africa and having to deal with being robbed 9 times in 3 years to the point where I actually woke up with a guy at the end of my bed one night!

It was kind of inevitable that I should developed a panic disorder don't you think?

I can't tell you how many times I have been to doctors only to have them tell me I need to see psychiatrists... my response was "are you saying I am crazy?" My symptoms are real and I feel like absolute crap!

Truth is it wasn't until I actually started doing some research and actually learning about panic attacks that I started understanding what it is and what effect it has on your body. My theory now is that you can't begin to defeat what's wrong with you if you have no concept of what it is that you are fighting. So I am writing this down and hoping that it may actually help others to understand panic attacks and help them actually find ways of being in control again cause there is nothing worse than that feeling a panic attack brings that you have no control over it and you are actually gonna die!

Anyway this is my take on panic attacks.

Now I am no scientist but this is what I have learnt and has worked for me. Firstly understanding what a panicky attack is.

OK in the good old days when we were hunters and gatherers if we came across a lion in the jungle what would happen? Well me I would run screaming from the scene like a crazy person! I am guessing you would to otherwise all that would be left of you is a wet patch...

Well this is what they call the fight or flight syndrome. Your body reacts by giving you extra adrenalin so you can run your little legs off!

Only times have changed and there no longer is the need for you to run away from things our danger is still very real but also very different. You can't run away when you are in a car accident can you? Granted there are circumstances were up will need to run like when you are being mugged and all that. But my theory is this... you get attacked by a lion maybe once and then learn to avoid me but in today's society where people are always scared of being mugged, raped, being in car accidents, walking down the road and getting shot by some random taxi driver who has lost his marbles.... well the end result is that we as people stay in a constant state of anxiety. Our adrenal gland is forever giving extra adrenaline that our bodies don't know what to do with because we really have nowhere to run to!

So what happens when you have extra adrenaline that you don't really use?

Adrenalin is a hormone and a neurotransmitter. When produced in the body it increases heart rate, contracts blood vessels and dilates air passages. Its purpose is to prepare the body for quick reaction.

The heart starts to pump faster providing the muscles with more oxygen. - (my reaction OMG why does my chest feel so tight? I am having a heart attack!!)

Eye pupils dilate in order to take in more light. (JEEZ who turned on the bloody lights I am getting a migraine!)

The veins in the skin constrict in order to send more blood to major muscle groups. This bodily reaction is responsible for the chills and shaking that people feel when experiencing a panic attack. The redistribution of blood means that there is less blood to keep the skin warm and this also makes it loose colour and look pale. (OMG I want to run away, why, how, where can I run to? I am so confused what's wrong with me? I must be getting sick!)

The levels of blood-glucose increase. Glucose is the simplest form of sugar and is quickly absorbed by the body. This means that the body has released into the blood stream extra energy resources. Muscles tense up - energized from the adrenaline and glucose. (Why do I feel so tense and stressed and wound up? What's wrong with me am I getting sick? Am I having some kind of seizure?)

None essential systems like digestion, hair and nail growth and also the immune system shut down. This is the reason why people often experience feeling of indigestion. (URG I feel sick and nauseous)

Temporally the human body is functioning at its best, absorbing stored energy, vitamins and minerals in order for it to run and fight at its hardest. (Why am I shaking so much, jeez I feel like I want to jump out of my own body and run away from it!)

Once a panic attack has started all these processes happens automatically. Adrenalin is a hormone and once released into the blood stream there is nothing a person can do to stop producing its effects physically. However people can prepare mentally in order to prevent panic attacks from happening.

I believe that the last statement is our beacon of hope. It means that you can take control over what happens to you. But its something only you can do.... trust me no one can do it for you because they don't feel what you feel and have no idea how bad it feels to be there. The thing to remember is that somehow your brain has now been trained to panic all the time and what you need to do is somehow find a way to retrain your brain.

So these are my tools for dealing with a panic attacks.

First i learnt a way to distract myself from the panic attack, and then i learnt to control the attack through breathing and my very own adaptation of meditation...

The following video I watched some time ago and honestly at first it made me laugh my head off because there is no way I could do that in public...! I would look like I was having some kind of mental breakdown...lol But I did realize in doing it that it actually distracted me from what I was going through..... so watch the video and try to be honest about how you feel after you have done the whole exercise all the way through. The point I am trying to make with the video is that if you distract yourself from the negative emotions you feel you can actually be in control. Again you can go around tapping every day but I find something as simple as just holding onto a acupressure point on my wrist now helps me to start focusing on my breathing and distract myself from the negative feelings... you have nothing to lose by just trying the technique and adapting it to suit you...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gmz-b2sV0Q&feature=channel

In my bid to gain control over panic attacks I have watched many videos and read a million articles on the internet and have picked out a few that actually helped me, i have learnt so much about meditation and how it can help, but i do believe meditation is a very personal thing and you have to find a person and a voice that works for you. I hope they will help you but if they bore you please don't let them distract you from finding the path that works for you. Just try to remember nothing worth achieving was achieved easily, we always have to put hard work and effort into anything worth having.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSU8ftmmhmw&feature=channel

Free guided meditation links: I have personally downloaded all the free guided meditations they offer and can assure you they are all quite safe

http://www.silvaultramindsystem.com/lp/meditation-2

http://www.project-meditation.org/

http://www.fragrantheart.com/cms/free-audio-meditations


Monday, 30 May 2011

30th May 2011

Depression is horrible. That much anyone who has ever been around someone with depression or experienced it themselves knows only too well. It doesn't only affect those with it, but those all around. It's like a ripple effect when you throw a stone into a lake. The ripples spread far wider than you think - and certainly further than you want.

One of our members posted something which they had posted on their blog yesterday and I thought that it might help someone else. I have asked permission (as always) and this has been given so I can share it with you.


I am depressed. I have depression. What does this mean? What should you say/do/think?

Don't think you have to treat me differently.
Talk to me
Ask me questions
Show that you care-a note, a text, anything will do
Be there for me
If you are serious about wanting to help be prepared for the long haul-its unlikely to get better overnight.
Don't make promises you can't keep (especially promises of time)
Just because I smile or laugh doesn't mean I'm "better"
Don't assume that because I'm depressed I can't smile or laugh. I do still have a sense of humour!
Don't make it all about me. Let me be a friend to you too.
Be prepared for silences when we're together


I think it's great, it certainly struck a chord with me, having been with my husband for a very long time and been with him through the marathon of his depression.

Something else happened to me yesterday, and this is a genuine desperate plea. A friend of mine went missing a couple of days ago; just vanished. He, like so many others, has been in a really really dark place and had left a message on facebook saying that he had lost everything so was checking out. I couldn't imagine firstly being that broken that disappearing or taking my own life is the only option I had, secondly being the person left behind and not knowing. He was found last night safe and unharmed which is brilliant news, but it made me have a desperate feeling of having to say not only to my husband, but to all the members several things:

~ No matter how bad things are, you aren't alone. There are people who care, who won't judge you, who will listen and who will be there for you.

~ If you do need some space, then let someone know. It doesn't have to be a long phonecall. Send a text, send an email, just let your loved ones know you are "just" taking space to work through things.

~ Get help. Yes we have all heard (or experienced 1st hand) that mental health services aren't fast, sometimes it takes a fight, but don't deal with your depression alone. Go to your GP or to A+E and get some help. Take someone you can talk easily in front of with you and a list of things you want to say. If it gets too much then hand over that list. Sadly you aren't the first and wont be the last person that the GP will see with depression or in tears.

~ Remember that having depression or mental health illness does NOT make you a failure, it is NOT a sign of weakness, it does not mean that you are defective or anything else. It means that you have been too strong for too long and you need some help. The same as you would if you had broken your leg. That is it. Nothing more than that.

~ With the right help, love and support it WILL get better. You rae amazing, you are wonderful and the world needs you in it.

Wednesday, 2 March 2011

SPOTLIGHT: My story.

Wow, this feels weird. I am in total awe of Veggie and Mummyhill who have allowed me the privilege of posting their stories here, and I suppose that I should do the same.

My name is Suzi and I am the owner of DWD. Although my story is a little different. Although I have had PND with the birth of each of my babies it's not the same.

For me PND was so different each time and is truly not something I would wish on my worst enemy. It was so hard when you were meant to be the happiest person alive as you had your new bundle of joy to love and to look after and who would love you.

With my first (now 10!) his delivery was just the worst that you could ever imagine. The "not for faint hearted version" is that I was having contractions from the Sunday night and they got to 1 minute apart but I didn't dilate. Eventually on the Wednesday morning after no sleep, huge amounts of pain etc I eventually had an emergency C Section. It's a miracle that he is here, and me too. But no one (not even my husband) will ever know the full details of what happened during that time. I still have nightmares about it. With him I was so overprotective, but also trying to come to terms with the circumstances of his delivery and knowing that when he was 4 months old I would have to go back to work. It was horrible.

With my second I honestly didn't know if I could go through that again, so went to a different hospital who were brilliant. She was an elective c section as I was told there was no way I could ever even try to give birth naturally. After I had her though I just couldn't bond once we left hospital at all. I still feel guilty for that. She is amazing though. It didn't last long, my husband spotted all the signs and got me to talk to my health visitor. He also was brilliant, he listened to everything I had to say and never judged me for how I was feeling.

My third pregnancy was awful. My husband had crashed really badly with depression and openly told me that he didn't want any more, but that he would stick by me and my decisions. I knew I couldn't terminate the pregnancy and am so glad I didn't. She is such an amazing character (now nearly 6) and from the first moment he saw her he was glad too, she melted his heart instantly. With her I wouldn't let anyone else near....

One of the worst PND days was when I had to go for my 6 week check up at my GP's. I had my two baby girls (1 at 6 weeks and 1 at 16 months) in a double buggy and had bought only the bear essentials out with me. I had booked in at reception and gone to sit outside the drs room to be seen. I was there for what felt like hours, but I couldn't go anywhere to check as I didn't want to miss the appointment. I was in pain (3rd C section) and both the girls needed feeding and I had to get back in the other direction to get my 3 year old from nursery. It was only when the receptionist walked down with a cup of tea for the dr, looked at me and said "oh sorry I forgot to book you in! You'll have to come back to reception with me and we'll have to rearrange!" I couldn't believe it. I followed her back to the reception and just cried as she told me that I couldn't be seen now for another 2 weeks. I ended up collapsed on the floor of the reception with 2 screaming babies. It was at that point that my health visitor was called to help me as "well you are rather emotional aren't you?" She was amazing. She did the "are you suffering with pnd test" with me and was shocked as to my high level. She knew about my husband and was concerned, but supportive. She referred me to home start who were fabulous too. From there things got better. They did. Getting just a little help a couple of hours a week really was amazing.

But it was nothing like the way that my husband got. He sank deeper and deeper into a depression whilst he was working as a mental health housing support worker. His client base were people with very complex mental health illnesses and this did pull him down. The constant fighting of "the system" which just wasn't put in place to help (or so it seemed). Just as he found "the answer" another part of "the system" popped up and blocked the way. In the end it was just all too much for him.

He had a breakdown. It was the most scary time that I can remember. Up until we had a letter through the door saying "notice of intention to seek posession" I was under the impression that he was still paying the rent. He hadn't been. I wasn't working at the time and was at home with 1 3 year old displaying all the classic signs of Aspergers, 1 15 month old and a newborn baby. I didn't know what to do or where to turn.

No one at the benefits agencies would talk to me as if I was human, some of those I did end up speaking to were so amazingly rude. Did they think I wanted to be in this situation? Begging them for help?

Several days are clearer and more ingrained than others. He couldn't really function at all for 3 months, he didn't know how to interact with me or his babies. He likens it to knowing that there are 3 children there who need to be looked after and going through the motions, but now he's much better it's like they are HIS children. Does that make sense?

He went on medication. The side effects were awful. So he stopped. Just stopped and then felt even worse. He then tried some different meds, same thing. He had CBT and Counselling none of which really worked for him. Then he tried different meds and they made a difference. OK so it wasn't MY him, but he was far more alive than he had been. The meds were upped and upped and he was on them for 3 years. Within that time he has had a couple of CPNs - one of whom was brilliant, but only a locum.

The side effects from being on such a high dose for a long time is that he couldn't feel anything. Just numb is how he described it to me. He couldn't cry, couldn't feel joy or sadness or anything. He made the decision to stop taking them. Although I would have rathered that he did it gradually I knew he wouldn't and he didn't. He just stopped. To be honest though we haven't looked back. He now takes omega 3,6 + 9 oil capsules and these are just brilliant for him.

In the midst of all that with a friend we started DWD. I didn't want anyone else to ever have to go through what I had - the feeling of being alone, of not knowing who to talk to, where to turn. It's been such a hard journey, but so worth it. I will never ever underestimate the power of talking and of knowing that someone is there who actually cares. That's the most important thing and if I can be that person for 1 other person then I have done some good. All I ever wanted to do when I was little was to change the world and with my fabulous crew on DWD I will do - one person at a time.


Thursday, 24 February 2011

Spotlight on "Mummyhill"

Again, as with the other "spotlight" pieces we are running, please remember how brave these members are sharing their story. They are doing it, not for glory, but in order to help others and to help break down the stigma surrounding mental health illness.

Mummyhill has been with DWD for many years and is now Assistant Admin. Without all her hard work behind the scenes it would be a total nightmare trying to keep on top of everything! Much much love and respect to another now very close friend.

I am 36 yr old mum of three. I have suffered from depression on and off since my childhood. The first bout was triggered by a series of deaths in the family the most distressing one was the loss of my Cousin in an RTA. After my second child I had sever post natal depression which led to a well meaning person putting a report in to social services which I found extremely distressing. After they had signed everything off we had a new health visitor who applied a lot of pressure and made me feel threatened this led to me coming very close to a break down. I stopped my Anti depressants when I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd child and have received a lot of counseling including some CBT work.

At my very lowest points I stop doing housework and looking after my self properly. I ignore letters and important looking post as I can't cope with anything else on top of the depression and getting the children sorted out. They have always been put to the fore front I ensure that they are well fed properly clothed etc but neglect myself instead. This has understandably led to tensions within my marriage but we have worked through most of it.

Many people find it hard to understand depression and there is still a stigma which needs to be removed. The worst thing for me is being told to pull myself together or to stop being a drama queen when I over react to a situation due to my anxiety issues. The best thing has been finding DWD with all the support there.


I tried a wide variety of anti depressants before finding the right one for me. I have had counseling and CBT therapy. The CBT has been very effective although the most important thing was learning to talk to people and ask for help. DWD and the team there have been a massive help in that area and have given my the courage to speak out.


The most important things to remember are:
1) You are not alone.
2) It is really important to eat and drink sensibly.
3) Exercise can help
4) Last but no means least talk to any one and everyone but mostly to a medical professional if they don't know there's a problem they can't help you!

Friday, 18 February 2011

Friday!

So it's FridayFab5s day again! I am sure that these weeks are moving quicker and quicker! Have you logged on and written your list of 5 things which have been positive for you or made you smile this week? It's such a good exercise and it is less than one thing a day! This weeks list can be found HERE

We have to send our congratulations to two of our American members who became grandparents again last night! Brilliant news! Well done to MaraUT and to LostFriend.

It's been a really busy week on the forum. It's been lovely to see some older members as well as seeing new ones too. It's lovely to hear what everyone is up to!

We have had several members having issues with alcohol this week so Mummyhill has updated our list of helpline numbers to include some for dealing with alcoholism and MaraUT has added the relevant ones for the US too. If you need them don't hesitate to call someone. Remember alcohol is a depressant and so won't be helping your mood. Helpline thread can be found HERE

Wednesday, 16 February 2011

Spotlight: Veggie's Story

Please remember that this has been written by a member who has bravely decided to share her story. I am incredibly in awe of this member. She is amazing and an inspiration for all in my opinion. I haven't changed anything. This is as she wrote it.

Thank you for sharing.


My Name is Veggie,i am married to a great husband and have a fabulous daughter who will be 18 in the summer, i have a lovely caring enviroment.

I clean for elderly people which i enjoy as it gives me chance to have a good old chat to them.It's not so much about the cleaning,it's more about company and support for them really.

I have suffered with depression for as long as i can remember, but as a child i didn't really realise it was depression, i just felt "sad".
The thing that really kicked it off was the fact that i was sexually abused by my father from the age of 4 1/2yrs and mentally and physically abused by my mother for as long as i can remember.
I can remember as a 3yr old being beaten for wetting the bed, (i continued to wet the bed well into my teens) My dad would protect me from the beatings as long as he was getting certain favours.

There was no escape anywhere for me, we had no other family and were known as one of those "odd" families on our street, some of the other kids weren't allowed to play with me.
When i got to secondary school the bullying started really badly and what little self-esteem i had was virtually bullied out of me,i became very withdrawn.
My sister had the same happen to her and although she got beatings from our mother,it was made clear that she was our mother's favourite, i would often be told that i wasn't loved.I once found a poem written to my sister from our mother telling her how beautiful she was and what a fabulouse daughter she was,that was the biggest kick in the teeth and i knew from that moment that my mother truly hated me.

When i was 11yrs old my parents managed to fool social services into letting them foster, we had a girl that was mentally disturbed,eventually she started to get beatings too, her school stepped in and my parents were taken to court, it was such a scary time,the police turned up one saturday morning and arrested all of us,i was locked in a cell alone and saw none of my family, i was told that if i didn't comply i would be put into care. I wish so much that i had been brave enough to speak up,but i wasn't.
The case was dropped on a technicality and the foster girl was never seen by us again,niether did they foster again.

Somehow i managed to carry on through life and eventually when i was 20yrs old i mat my lovely husband and finally told him about everything,he was the first person i'd ever told.
He was fantastic and really helped me,we'd talk for hours and i would cry for hours.
When we moved in together i remember trying to pick fights all the time because i wasn't used to being treated nicely, i wanted him to shout at me and abuse me because that was what i was accustomed to.
I eventually has coucelling for 5yrs and it did help to an extent.
We went on to have fertility treatment and had our daughter and once she was born i was determined she wouldn't suffer the way i did, i tried my hardest to make life good for her.
Ii'm sorry to say that i do still suffer with depression and i think i always will,sometimes i handle it,sometimes i fall to pieces.

The worst thing about suffering with depression is the feelings of hopelessness,the desire to end life,the failure to see good in life.
But there are also posative to being depressed, one is that i have found this amazing site and have made some fabulous friends, also depression has made me the person i am today, a fighter and a survivor.
Last year certain events triggered me to have a breakdown and i'm still trying to recover from that now.I get good days and bad days,which is something i've learnt with the depression.

I think the most important thing when suffering from depression is to talk,open up and let all the "poison" out and to take tiny steps on the climb back up, at the time you feel as if you will be forever under this huge black cloud, but that isn't the case,there is light at the end of the tunnel,there are good days you just have to take them when they come,grab them with both hands and soak them up.
On a bad day try to remember that there are and will be good days again.
That's it in a nutshell really, never give up.





Tuesday, 15 February 2011

Spotlight

Tomorrow will be the first of the DWD Spotlight sessions.

One of our members who has had an amazing journey and is a true inspiration has been brave enough to write her story and has allowed me to publish it here. I shall be doing so with the utmost respect and admiration for her.

Please check back tomorrow for Veggies story.

Friday, 21 January 2011

The Fab 5s

This has to be one of my favourite threads we do each week.

The general idea is that over the week (Friday to Friday) we notice 5 things which have either made us smile or been positive for us and we list them. It's as simple as that. It's the only thread that we allow NO NEGATIVITY at all.

Some weeks 5 things may seem like a mammoth target and although the idea is to get 5, 1 is equally celebrated as are 7, 8 or 9. Each achievement is worth it's own celebration/victory/fireworks!!!

The theory behind the thread (yup there is one!) is that it helps to realise that even in the darkest times there is something good that has happened. It may be really really hard to see at the time, but looking back a spark of hope is always around.

Once members have been taking part in the weekly thread then they will become more practised at looking for the positives and hopefully then they can try to do this more often and so are able to cope better with daily issues and can find it easier to find those sparks when and if things get darker and harder for them.

The reason for doing it on a Friday is simple. The majority of people who are at work are off at the weekend or do social things such as meeting up with friends/going out etc and can do with starting off in a more positive frame of mind.

So there, that's the FAB 5's. Why not have a look through this weeks, and even join up and have a go!

Monday, 17 January 2011

Happy 4th Birthday DWD!


Wow, I cannot truly believe that DWD has been going for 4 years today! This is amazing. I don't think that when we started it that we would today still be going, let alone have over 80000 posts by 3000 or so members! On the one hand these figures are amazing and really do make me "wow!" But the sad reality are that these are people who haven't been able to get the help, support and advice from any other source and so have found us. I am so pleased that we have been able to support these 3000 or so and hope that we can support many many more over the coming years. Hopefully with us working with some of the other groups such as Time for Change, Breaking the silence and with TV producers such as Claire from Maverick TV things will change quicker for those with mental health illness and depression.

Anyway, happy day today! DWD is 4!!!!!

I thought I would share with you some things from our members!

Many people who have worked through a dark patch in their life look back at some of their beginning posts and just can't believe how far they have come. Sometimes it's amazing to see that journey unfold and although you can see how brilliantly someone is doing it's almost impossible for them to realise until they have managed to work their way up the ladder and can look around seeing how far they have come. I have included some quotes from members about how DWD has helped them over the years but have done them anonymously for obvious reasons.

"Dealing With Depression is a wonderful place. It's somewhere I can talk about how I am feeling without having to hide or to pretend. I know that no one will judge me as everyone understands what I am going through."

"Without Dealing With Depression I don't know where I would be now. DWD has changed my whole life. I now know that I am not alone."

"It's really great to know that there is always someone there who can listen."

Comments like this are amazing to hear. The mods and admin team work really hard to make sure that no one is alone, or feels alone and all believe passionately about being there and talking to people, helping them climb that ladder. We all are there no matter what is going on in our own lives, and we have all been there either as someone who is experiencing mental health illness or as a carer of someone who has.

One of our members has taken up watercolour painting. This is a huge step for this member who has allowed me to post some of their paintings here, which I am sure you will agree are amazing. The final picture here is of a special place to them, a local Church which they find so peaceful. It is amazing to see how far this member has come, especially when you know that they had a breakdown not that long ago. V - you are a true inspiration.





Happy birthday DWD. Let the party start! :)


Thursday, 13 January 2011

Birthday Preparations.

Well I can't believe it. DWD will be 4 years old on the 17th January. This is really exciting. I cannot believe how many members we have helped over those years, and sadly how many more people have been dealing with their depression on their own too.

Anyway, little did we know when we started DWD that 4 years down the line we would have over 2000 members who have written nearly 5000 threads with over 80000 posts! Wow!

To celebrate I have had an idea to gather thoughts on depression, happiness, maybe some writing, a picture, a photograph from as many members as possible to put together a collage to be used at a later date. If anyone would like to contribute then please either join the thread here or send an email to admin @ dealingwithdepression.co. uk (removing spaces obviously!)

I know that you are all really creative, so why not show us what you can do!

All pieces of work/writing/comments/art/craft MUST reach admin by 15th January 2011!

Saturday, 8 January 2011

Maverick TV and DWD

I have been having a long an in depth email conversation with a producer at Maverick TV who are working on a documentary for ITV working with the world renowned Anna Freud Centre. They are looking for young people with any mental health illness including depression, anxiety, self harm and many others.

I have thoroughly checked out what has been said by the producer who I can assure you is very friendly and easy to talk to and they will be keeping everything that is said in the strictest of confidence. I think that for anyone who wants more in depth help regarding their mental health this would actually be a good opportunity to get some world renowned help.

This is the post which can be found here http://www.dealingwithdepression.co.uk/index.php?topic=5173.0


Maverick Television are making a new documentary series for ITV on the subject of children and young people who suffer with mental health or behavioural issues. The programmes are being made in conjunction with the world-renowned centre for the study and treatment of psychological conditions in children the Anna Freud Centre. We will be covering a broad range of conditions in the programme, from more minor problems such as OCD, phobias and anxiety to more severe issues such as depression and self-harming. We are looking for young people who might be suffering from some of these issues who might be interested in participating in the programme. All of the young people who take part in the programme will have the opportunity to be assessed and treated by Anna Freud's team of expert clinicians or recommended specialists in their area. Should you feel this programme may be relevant to you or someone else you know please contact Claire Allitt at Maverick Television on 0207 874 6694 or e-mail c.allitt@mavericktv.co.uk. All enquiries will be treated in the strictest of confidence and will give you no obligation to appear in the programme.


Why not make contact?