Our first "Guest Blogger" - Leah from Linconshire UK

I was thrilled, humbled and rather amazed when I read through my huge stack of (mostly spam it must be said, no I'm not that popular!) emails when I came accross one from someone called Leah.  She had been passed the link to our facebook page and in particular the post where I asked for Guest Bloggers. 


I was so touched and amazed when I read what she had written... At this point I'm going to let Leah take over this post with my gratitude for being our first guest blogger... 

You can follow Leah's personal, open, honest and moving blog HERE
If you want to contribute as a guest blogger, please CONTACT ME

Suzi

Learning to cross the road...
When I was 14 or 15 (I never can remember exactly, even after all these years of fixating on it), I died. That is, the life I had had before that age ceased to be, and I was re-born as someone I didn't recognise, and didn't welcome. The child I used to be - the clever, precocious child who performed in amateur dramatics, loved to dress up and dreamed of doing anything as an adult which would break the mould - became first a frightened adolescent who, believing she was losing her mind, reined herself in for 'temporary' protection, and then a clever, serious adult who had become afraid to cross the road in case she couldn't get back.

You must understand: the change in me - though gradual - was so dramatic, so overwhelming that I have mourned that precocious, brave, stubborn little girl for fifteen years. What I didn't appreciate, in that sad, lonely fifteen years, was that the ones that we lose never leave us entirely. They make us who we are, physically and mentally, and so even though the little girl I used to be had gone, she had left in me the most strident parts of herself. Her stubborness. Her tenacity. Her bravery. Her unquenchable need to know 'how?' and 'why?' Unbeknown to me, in the midst of my grief for the life I had lost and the life I could have had, I had had the tools I needed to live all along. Not the tools I needed to live her life, but the tools to live my life. My way.

This all sounds like I had some sort of lightbulb moment, or celestial epiphany. But of course, I didn't. This 'knowledge', if you can call it that, has dawned on me only recently, and only since I began to be accepting or who I am rather than grieving for who I was. In the intervening fifteen years between being diagnosed with anxiety, agoraphobia and panic I still needed all those character traits that my younger self had left me. I completed GCSEs, A-Levels, an Undergraduate and then a Masters degree. I got married, left home, and worked full-time. I existed in a 'normal' way. It took all the energy, resources and sheer bloody-minded determination I had. And bravery. It took bravery too. Make no mistake: living alongside something as utterly terrifying as a fear of your own mind is not something a weak or feeble-minded person could do.

There was one thing I needed which that little girl didn't leave me though. She was perhaps too young and too keen re-invent the world to understand it at the time, but even a half-life teaches you some lessons: bad things do happen to good people (but they also happen to bad people, too), the thing you're looking for will always be in the last place you look, and if you want to be accepted, you must first accept yourself.

You see, I spent so long mourning for the loss of what I used to be that I neglected to be grateful for what I am: a survivor, and an achiever (who just happens to have a mental illness). This latter fact isn't the bad apple in the barrel that you might imagine. It's just a different apple; a part of me, no more or less significant than if I had Asthma, or Diabetes. It wasn't until I accepted this that I developed the confidence to start on the road to recovery. I still haven't learned to cross that road yet, but for the first time in fifteen years I'm standing at the crossing with hope.

Leah
Lincolnshire, UK.

Happenings! 24th Spetember 2012

Just to say "hello" I'm still here! :)

DWD on Facebook has grow so large and so busy! On the one hand it's amazing to see over 9400 people all being there to support each other through their daily struggles, through the worldwide mindfield of getting help and of how to respond to the well known "pull yourself together" brigade.  On the other hand I find it deeply sad that so many people are suffering with mental health illness and the stigma which is still attached to it.
We have an amazing album there which shows pictures people have taken of the areas in which they live. WOW our planet it amazingly beautiful and our members photographs show this so well! It still amazes me how small the world has become with technology and how quickly I can be talking to people in Australia, America, Hawaii and Canada amongst others as easily as talking to people in my own country and my own front room in Surrey, UK...

Over the next few days and weeks I'm going to be posting some truly inspirational guest blogs by our members on DWD and our FB page. It's something I feel strongly about - giving people a voice and breaking down the stigma of mental health illness through educating people as to how things really are. I will be including other related blogs too. I'm hoping that this will be a brilliant resource for anyone who isn't able to put into words how they are feeling as well as being a starting point for a "It's not just me" moment and a starting point for talking to those around you about mental health illness, depression, anxiety, paranoia and other related issues.
Huge thank you's to anyone brave enough to email me their story!

Suzi.

10th September - Apologies, Sad Goodbyes, Welcome Hellos and general rambllings....

It feels like it's been forever since I've written a blog post and for that I'm sorry, but so much has been happening both in my own personal life and in the life of DealingWithDepression In fact so much has happened that I'm not really sure where to start, so forgive me if this doesn't make much sense or is in much order, but I know that you'll all understand.

Personally my husband has been struggling with his depression, anxiety, paranoia and social phobia and it's all been really hard to cope with as well as our eldest starting secondary school. I am so proud of our son as he has Aspergers Syndrome and finds change and new things really difficult to cope with. I hope he's settling in OK, although there appear to be a few teething issues, but I am sure we'll get there as long as he starts talking to me!

DWD has gone global in a really big way almost overnight and whilst I am thrilled with that, I'm scared by the responsibility I feel to so many - to give the right advice, to be online enough to make a difference and that I can handle it all. Our Facebook Page has shot up from struggling to get to 200 "likes" to now having over 6,600 worldwide members. It's really hard to know how much to post on there and I know that I haven't got that balance quite right yet, but I am working on it.
To cope with the huge increase in demand I've been really lucky at recruiting a number of "staff" to help monitor the page, answer the sometimes 10s, sometimes 100s of private messages we get every day as well as posting interesting or relavant items to the page to keep interest and to help reach out and break that terrible stigma which so many are struggling with on a daily basis.  The staff are fantastic and knowing that they are all working around their own lives, families, work commitments and mental health issues they are the unsung heros of DWD and they make it all possible. I just couldn't do it alone.
I'm trying hard to learn how different countries see mental health and how their systems work, it's hard and it's complicated, but most people are genuinely understanding when I suggest something which doesn't quite work for them, and for that I'm really grateful.

I've had to increase the staffing on the forum too as we have sadly lost our wonderful Aspasia to a teaching postion teaching English as a Foreign Language in Cairo. Whilst I am thrilled that she's doing something she has always wanted to do, it's no secret that Im going to miss having her around to text! She's not only an awesome moderator and someone who can always put into words what I'm thinking but she's become a great friend over the years too. I know that although this is a massive life change for her, it's going to be a great one for her and will be nothing short of awesome for those whose lives she will change.  So a sad goodbye to Aspasia for the time being, but she will be back ;)
The upside of us becoming much busier is that we've changed some staffing too. Emmie who is nothing short of miraculous with a wicked sense of humour, owner of her own business and Mum to the wonderful "Midget" has stepped up to the post of Assistant Admin which I'm really pleased about.
The lovely Jarre and Squishymama have both stepped up as Moderators which is wonderful as they are both perfect for the role and I know they will help shape and push DWD onwards and upwards.

Today has been a wierd day. It is "suicide prevention day" and yesterday was the 4 year anniversary of the passing of my lovely Dad. I've kind of therefore been thinking about grief a lot today and tried to be reaching out and reminding people of all the wonderful organisations who are out there to help when someone is in crisis. Samaritans are one such organisation who do such amazing work 24 hours a day, 7 days of the week, 52 weeks of the year. They are trained to talk to people over the phone/text or email.  Never forget that you are never alone, there is ALWAYS someone you can talk to.

I've promised myself that I'm going to do more blog posts and hope to share some more of the wonderful things that our members of the forum and facebook group do. We have some amazing artists, writers, posts, photographers and everything inbetween.
If you want to submit something creative or a link to your own business/site to be posted on this blog, please don't hesitate to CONTACT ME

I know this is a really long post (sorry) but once I started typing I just couldn't stop!

I normally do a couple of plugs for wonderful businesses which support DWD through their owners giving up their time to help with the technical/moderating/admin of either or both the forum or the FB page, but I know this is really long and it's the first in a while, so I'll keep it short:

Hills Handicrafts - Handmade beautifully crafted items
Kangarinos - Slings and baby carriers
Templedene Consultants - Website design, hosting and CMS
Precious Jewels Gems - Handmade beautiful jewellery
Alison George - Independent Trader for Phoenix Cards

Thanks for reading, I do appreciate it! :)

Suzi