Depression is horrible. That much anyone who has ever been around someone with depression or experienced it themselves knows only too well. It doesn't only affect those with it, but those all around. It's like a ripple effect when you throw a stone into a lake. The ripples spread far wider than you think - and certainly further than you want.
One of our members posted something which they had posted on their blog yesterday and I thought that it might help someone else. I have asked permission (as always) and this has been given so I can share it with you.
I am depressed. I have depression. What does this mean? What should you say/do/think?
Don't think you have to treat me differently.
Talk to me
Ask me questions
Show that you care-a note, a text, anything will do
Be there for me
If you are serious about wanting to help be prepared for the long haul-its unlikely to get better overnight.
Don't make promises you can't keep (especially promises of time)
Just because I smile or laugh doesn't mean I'm "better"
Don't assume that because I'm depressed I can't smile or laugh. I do still have a sense of humour!
Don't make it all about me. Let me be a friend to you too.
Be prepared for silences when we're together
I think it's great, it certainly struck a chord with me, having been with my husband for a very long time and been with him through the marathon of his depression.
Something else happened to me yesterday, and this is a genuine desperate plea. A friend of mine went missing a couple of days ago; just vanished. He, like so many others, has been in a really really dark place and had left a message on facebook saying that he had lost everything so was checking out. I couldn't imagine firstly being that broken that disappearing or taking my own life is the only option I had, secondly being the person left behind and not knowing. He was found last night safe and unharmed which is brilliant news, but it made me have a desperate feeling of having to say not only to my husband, but to all the members several things:
~ No matter how bad things are, you aren't alone. There are people who care, who won't judge you, who will listen and who will be there for you.
~ If you do need some space, then let someone know. It doesn't have to be a long phonecall. Send a text, send an email, just let your loved ones know you are "just" taking space to work through things.
~ Get help. Yes we have all heard (or experienced 1st hand) that mental health services aren't fast, sometimes it takes a fight, but don't deal with your depression alone. Go to your GP or to A+E and get some help. Take someone you can talk easily in front of with you and a list of things you want to say. If it gets too much then hand over that list. Sadly you aren't the first and wont be the last person that the GP will see with depression or in tears.
~ Remember that having depression or mental health illness does NOT make you a failure, it is NOT a sign of weakness, it does not mean that you are defective or anything else. It means that you have been too strong for too long and you need some help. The same as you would if you had broken your leg. That is it. Nothing more than that.
~ With the right help, love and support it WILL get better. You rae amazing, you are wonderful and the world needs you in it.
